Antidote

16. But I Don't

KAIDEN

     IF you've ever thought about hacking your ex-girlfriend's security cameras – don't. You'll only see her fucking her fiancé in the living room. Rough, intimate, sex. Good for them.

The next thing I know, I'm digging through my suitcase, looking for the pills Robbie gave me this morning before I left. He was fresh out of coke, so he gave me OxyContin. I find one and swallow it without water.

Within minutes, I'm higher than a fucking kite without a care in the world. I'm so glad Cameron and Jordan and I got separate rooms. Stupidly, I try to call Madison. I know she won't answer. She's too busy laid up naked with Jace.

The phone goes to voicemail and I decide on leaving her a message.

"Madison, it's me. I just wanted to say that I fucking hate you. I hate you so much. I give you my heart and you stomp on it like it's a bug you want to squash. Fuck you and fuck your perfect little fiancé. Fuck all of you." I ramble before eventually hanging up, letting the phone fall from my hands into the floor.

Cameron wakes me up the next morning. His arms are crossed over his chest and he looks mad.

"What are you doing?" I grumble, rubbing my eyes so they can adjust to light pouring in my room.

"The better question is what the fuck are you doing, Kaiden?" He grabs the bag of pills Robbie gave me and holds it up, right in front of my face.

I sit up and try to jerk the bag from him, but he's too fast.

"Give them back." I stand up, but stumble and fall back on the bed.

"Look at you, Kaiden. You look like shit. When did you start using again?"

I roll my eyes. "I'm not using again, Cameron. I just needed a little pick me up."

"That's what you said the last time." He mumbles before heading towards the bathroom. I know he's flushing the pills, but I don't have the energy to argue with him. I'll just get Robbie to hook me up again when I get back home.

"Fuck you, Cameron. Why don't you get the hell out of my room and stay out of my business?"

Seriously. Fuck everyone.

"Get up. We're going home." He says before leaving me alone in my room.

The first thing I do is reach for my phone. I remember the voicemail I left Madison last night. I barely remember what I said besides "fuck you." God, I'm such a fucking idiot.

I know she's probably already listened to it, but I still try calling her anyway. When her phone goes straight to voicemail, I start to panic. She wouldn't block me. I try sending a message, but my message fails to deliver.

She blocked me. She actually blocked me.

I get up, kick the side of the bed, throw the remote against the wall. It snaps into pieces, the batteries clattering to the floor. How am I going to fix this one?

———

I let Cameron drive my truck home. I don't feel like driving, so I crash in the backseat. Cameron and Jordan both bust my balls about how I should get help now before I let it get bad again.

I try my best to block them out. I could quit right now if I wanted to. I've just been using to deal with my problems, not because I'm addicted again. There's a difference. They fail to understand that.

I constantly keep checking my phone, hoping Madison will call me back or even send me a text telling me how pissed she is with me.