Fragment Thoughts || Rants & Thoughts

How to be a Bitch

Hello folks. Today I'm going to be teaching you about how to really be a cold-hearted bitch. This will be a step by step guide on showing you the way to your inner bitchiness.

Disclaimer: Not proven to be 100% effective. 8.5 out of 10 women claimed they felt like a bitch after the crash course, however, they could be lying.

Step 1: Resting Bitch Face

You want to make sure you master the resting bitch face. Why? Because people then just assume you are one without saying a single word to you. Of course for some people like myself this comes naturally. However for others, this is not something they are gifted with. I reccomend sucking on a slice of lemon at least once a day. Don't smile in public - in fact, don't show any emotion.

Step 2: Glare at people.

Now this one is easy. You just stare and frown. Got it? They could be completely innocent but you still have to do it. You're a bitch, remember? The more intense the glare, the better, especially if it makes them squirm in intimidation.

Step 3: Act entitled

Because you are. As a bitch, you own the world. You can do anything you want, and if it doesn't go your way? Throw a hissy fit until you do get what you want. As a self entitled bitch, you practically own the world. There is no limit. Some kid sitting in a seat you want? Make them move. Best friend pissed you off? Sleep with her boyfriend. Just kidding. Or not.

Step 4: Commitment

You want to be fully committed to being a bitch. No point becoming a bitch for a day and then reverting back to your old self. What good is that? No. You really have to dig in there and permanently get rid of any goodness in your heart (actually, leave a smidge, after all, this isn't a guide on being evil, just a bitch. Don't go out there lacing your heart with children's tears, just don't.) Keep a chart if you need to, tick off all the bitchy things you've done every day.

Step 5: Look the part

This is the final step and it may not seem it, but it's just as important. You want to look the part. Get some hard ass gear to suit your new personality. You don't need to go all out, just grab some ripped jeans, a black bardot top, a mesh choker and you should be good to go. Shoe-wise, the world is your oyster. Bitches come in all shapes and sizes so there no way to 'dress' like a bitch. Just make sure whatever you wear is unique and about you. Because it should be about you.

So that's it. Five simple and easy steps to get you started in bitchdom. It won't be easy (Oh? Did I say it would be, silly me, I'm such a bitch sometimes) but you'll get to it. Unless you're a failure.

That's all from me.

Adios bitchachos!