Tinted Shades

Chapter Five: The Big Bang

Love. Hate.

Both four letters,polar opposite they may seem but the line to separate the two quite blurry.

What is love? I may ask.

A Scripture from the holiest of books will say 'Love is patient love is kind love is bluh bluh bluh... "

But what really is love?

To me it is an attachment with more than just mutual feelings between two people that comes with commitments.

After what had happened with Joan I had promised myself that I won't fall in love again. I wasn't ready for any commitments. I would only have girl friends not a girlfriend. That way they would be no heartaches no breakups just suppressed joy under intense atmosphere. It's like putting sugar on your tongue without sucking it to taste it's sweetness.

That kiss from Phoebe had triggered some nerves and I wished I wasn't falling in love again. And this was me puzzled,may be fascinated and absorbed was I for two hours sitting in the exam room for my mid term exam thinking of a girl I knew not much about. Welcome again to the story of my life.

The room was hot and uncomfortable as the eerie silence kept being disturbed by someone spinning and playing with his pen at the font and the clock's ticking which was getting louder and louder as a second passed, disturbing my already disturbed inner peace. Talk about adding salt to injury. The teacher's movement from here to there and back with no intention at all caused nothing but tension. I couldn't concentrate let alone think and my eyes kept rolling around the class from left to right then to the front and around me. I notice the blackboard has been erased clean no possibilities of an answer on it. At the notice board behind me, nothing too, just funny cartoons drawn by one of the students, Mike I suppose. "No, Mike is to dump for that," I smile at this thought. At the front people seem quite relaxed, the know-it-all of course. As for us backbenchers, no jubilation. We a different kind of fish in the kettle. One could think we studied at different classes when all this were taught. Beside me, Malik tries to pull a paper 'mwakenya' from his socks probably answers written on it and trust me the struggle is real. If only he had put so much zeal on his books like he was now, he would be helping me answer this paper.

On my left Mike tries to keep his eyes open. His eyelids are heavy probably tired from staring at the exam paper over and over again yet he knew no answer at all. After a not so-long fight he finally accepts the calling and rests his head on the desk. From the look of things I don't think am going to be the last when results come out.
My hands are sweating. I've eaten almost half of my pen thanks to anxiety knowing I only had fifteen minutes before the end of the paper. I try befriending my brain and as expected it declines my friend request. Hopeless I look again at my paper. Page 1 to 17. And realize I only have four questions ...only four...not remaining but actually answered. Damn! Who invented Chemistry?

"Ensure you have written your name and admission number, " the invigilating teachers cocks up,"and also that you have all your questions. "The irony in that.

At least the day was over and more good news so were the exams. I actually hadn't met with Phoebe since that day at the music room. Maybe from the different exam schedule we had being in different classes or maybe because she was avoiding me. For some reason I didn't understand her. She was like a roller coaster, one minute she's up and high then the next she's just the opposite.

I hand in my paper hurriedly one could have thought I had killed the test and walk out to look for Phoebe.

"Teddy! " I turn to see Jeff throw a basketball at me. We hadn't been actually at good terms since he started dating Joan and so rarely talked even though we were always together with the other five boys.