emails from me

ninth email back.

to: aspen
from: lane
subject: when i find you, we're taking a long car ride, and you can turn the music up as loud as you, because i miss hearing you sing.

ninth email back.

it's not fucking fair.

you left me.

i shouldn't have to deal with every. fucking. thing. reminding me of you.

here, i'll make a list, since you're so big on lists.

things that remind me of aspen:

-the damn bottle of strawberry shampoo that still has a quarter left, that you left in our bathroom. i see it every damn morning and i can't bring myself to throw the thing away.
-whenever my shoe laces come undone, i miss tying yours, and scolding you for walking around with them loose. [i'm honestly considering getting a pair of shoes without laces. velcro has never seemed so appealing.] [and let me tell you, walking past the shoe store isn't a walk in the park.]
-when i get your emails i start chewing on my sleeve again. i thought i'd finally rid myself of the nervous tick, but i always get nervous before opening the emails. and then i start gnawing on my shirt sleeve and it reminds me of when you said you love when i do that and the way you'd tease me when you'd catch me doing it.
-and you know how sophia has an infatuation with baking cookies, right? well, when she comes to the apartment while i'm babysitting, we bake cookies. did you know when you bake cookies from scratch that vanilla extract is an ingredient? well, it is. vanilla reminds me of you. and i've checked, vanilla extract does not taste like kissing you. but i do find myself eating a lot of vanilla ice cream.
-all the colorful socks that i find in the strangest places all the damn time. i mean, i swear aspen, i find at least one a day. no wonder you could never find any; i mean, you looked in normal places, like the sock drawer. if you looked, i don't know, under the refrigerator, you would find one.
-whenever i go to the grocery store and need to go in the frozen food section, it reminds me of your fight with Colleen, and that reminds me how adorable you look when you're annoyed.
-i see gg a lot, because she's always with sam, and she still wears the friendship band on her wrist that you got her for her birthday. remember when you lost yours and we spent hours searching, basically flipping the whole apartment upsidedown. you where so worried and frantic, afraid she'd be angry with you. the bracelet ended up being in the plates and bowls cupboard at the very top. i still have no idea how it got there, considering you don't remember and i swear to god you can't even reach the top of that cupboard. i wonder if you still wear it. i bet you do.
-our whole damn apartment smells of you and it drives me fucking mad. especially the bed and your pillow.
-sophia always asks where you are, and she likes playing through your things, like she used to. she says it's because she misses you.
-every time i play songs from my phone, i'm reminded of the little remarks you'd make at each song. and the way you'd only play songs you knew the words to and then you'd sing at the top of your lungs, off-pitch and lively. the way you'd beam brightly and how you'd constantly peek at me from the corner of your eye, and when our gazes caught each other, you'd giggle and look away.
-whenever i'm in my truck i think of how much you love it, even though sometimes you pretend to hate it, but we both know you don't. how you'd bring your knees up to your chest and turn on your side in your side. you'd just watch me drive with a small, knowing smile playing on your lips. whenever i'd ask what you were doing, you'd say, "i'm admiring the beauty that is you, and i'm soaking up as much as i can, while i can. because someday i won't be able to." now sometimes i wonder if you were serious. if you knew you were going to leave. if you were planning on it.
-your toothbrush sits next to mine every morning, unused and lonely. i guess you bought a new one.

damn, you're just everywhere aspen and i don't know how to stop it.

-lane, who still sleeps with your pillow every night. [your pillow doesn't compare to the real thing whatsoever.]

••

a/n

i'm so eager to post this bc holy long email!

what do you guys think??

what's your favorite part?

how do you think this story is going to end?

and i love hearing your guys' predications, so any new ideas on why aspen left?

yeahhah i think that's it, and since this is such a long chapter, can we aim for four hundred votes? bc i know you guys have gotten that on an email before!

please vote and comment thoughts!