Broken Z.M AU

BROKEN || Tears

Zayn's P.O.V

It's 7 in the morning and I've checked outside to see that the sun is shining bright and the weather is very good which is not to hot nor to cold just warm in which Ella love.

I tilted my head to the side to check her and there she is on the hospital bed with all the tubes stick on her body and that make me realize she's here because of me. I don't even realize that I'm crying until I tasted the salty flavor on my lips. I closed my eyes in hope that the tears would stop flowing like a Niagara Falls. All I want right now is for her to wake up and hug me while telling that's everything will be alright and kiss me till we are running out of breath.

Is it bad for me to say that I want her to wake up so bad but at the same time not because if she wake up then she will hate me and ask me to divorce her and leave her alone in which I will not but at the same time I want nothing more for her to wake up because I miss those beautiful eyes that always looked at me with love, lust and admiration. I don't want her to wake up so that I can still be closed to her, hold her maybe for the last time who know? And at the thought of that makes me shiver and tears keep falling down my face.

I took her hand in mine and intertwine our hands together and it fit so perfectly like we are made for each other and yeah of course we are made for each other but I've just had to fucked up and ruined everything just because I couldn't keep my dick in my pants. Her hands feel so soft against mine and it reminds me everytime I'm feeling low or sad, she always rub her thumb on the back of my hands and it will keep me calm from all the stress and anxiety while giving me a beautiful smile that only she can pulled of that BEAUTIFUL smile that caught my attention of her. Behind those smile there's a hundred thousand of pain but she managed to hide them but not from me.

I know that's she'll hate me once she wakes up what I mean is that who will not  if I were in her shoes I will do the same and I can't thinking straight right now because I know that my anxiety is sipping thorough my mind and body and it's honestly feels like shit and like you can't do anything. Tears brimming in my eyes and I'm trying to focus on my breathing because that's what she always ask me to do if I'm having a anxiety/panic attack.

Breath Zayn breath ...

My hands are still intertwined with her and what's surprised me is that I can feel her squeezing it which brought me back to my normal state and I can't thank her enough because once again she saved my life. It's crazy to think about it because she battling her own coma yet she's here to save me. I admire that about her, she always put people before herself.

Once I feel like I'm good then I open my eyes to look at her.

"Thank you baby, you saved my life. I know you want to wake up love and I want it too please just hold on for me and stay strong. I know my baby can do it. You're Malik and Malik is strong" I said to her hoping she heard it.

"You're showing sign by squeezing my hands baby, it's the first step take it slow okay and I wanted you to know that I always be here even if you don't want me. I will fight for your love and trust once again my love" I said to her and all I could hear was a beeping sound from the machine and my heart ache for her.

"Baby, if you're here and want to open your eyes or hear me can you please squeeze my hands" I said in hoping I got some reaction from her and to my surprise she squeezed my hands not just once but twice but it was so gentle. I almost can't feel it if I'm not focusing. I immediately squealed after she squeezed it because she heard me.

"Hey Baby, thank you for listening to me and I just want to say how sorry I am for what I've done and yes I regret it more than anything and I know you hate me but that's okay I hate myself also for hurting you. I'm sorry my love" I said with tears on my face and I rubbed it away using my hands

I looked at her and leaned down to kiss her forehead and I let my lips linger there.
I miss her so much like words could not explained how much pain I'm going through not being able to make her happy. I promise her on our wedding that I'll stick through thick and thin but I'm the caused of it. Then proceed kissing her cheek and nose. Unfortunately I can't kiss her lips because she has a oxygen mask on her mouth.

In the middle of expressing myself there's a knock on the door and a voice said "Can I come in?". I replied with yes but not before wiping my tears away from my face.

The doctor came in and shut the door and checked her up and said that she's slowly healing and like ready to wake up at any moment. He also said that I need to take care of my health because he doesn't want me to get sick. I said thank you and he leaves the room.

I'm feeling very tired and sluggish at the moment and I lay backed down on the chair besides her bed and take her hand to kissed it and before I know it I fall asleep and feel very happy because she's here.

•••

Hey Guys !! What's upp ?

Happy New Year Everybody who's reading and sorry for the bad grammar because English is not my first language but I'm trying to write better overtime and if there's is mistake please do tell me so I can correct it.

THANK YOU ❤️