3 days after the accident took place and crashed my heart into pieces. Ella was still unconscious and I felt like I'm numb. My body is here but my mind was somewhere else.
I know I'm the reason why she's lying on the hospital bed in a critital condition but now stable. Many things ran through my head like "what if she doesn't remember me when she wakes up" or "what if she doesn't want to do anything with me anymore". I'm not gonna lie but all of these things are making me have insomnia.
If somehow she doesn't remember me I thought it would have been better so that she doesn't remember the mistake that I've made and regret but I need to own my mistake and apologise to her no matter what. If she decided not to have anything with me than I will fight for her trust, love, and forgiveness. I will beg if that what it takes for me to be with her again.
Fuck
I will do anything that she wanted me to do. My mom used to says that "If you really love someone, fight for her- show her that she means the world to you. Don't ever leave her or thought for a second that If I leave her maybe she will be happy - NO". Thanks momma for the advice and I won't stop trying till she forgive me.
Suddenly the sounds of my phone ringing on the side table pulls me put of my thought.
It's my mum wanting to FaceTime me. What a perfect timing I thought
"Hey momma" I said while trying to keep my face neutral but failed to do so as tears running out of my eyes the second I take a look at Ella.
"Hello sonshine, Zee what's going on? Why are you crying?" She said with a worried expression on her face.
"Nothing" I said without making eye contact with her because my mom will know if I'm lying to her If I look in her eyes
but she knows me better than anyone so-
"Bullshit Zayn, what's going on? You want to tell me or do I have to find out myself? Btw sorry about my language but you deserve it the second you tried to lied to me" my mom said with a light chuckle which I'm pretty sure she made it to make me laugh.
It did work but only for 5 seconds then I remember why I'm crying and she demanded and answer.
"Okay mom, you caught me"
"What is it sonshine?"
Before I could even tell her what's going on. I chocked on a sob and tears are running down my face making her cry as well.
"Mom don't cry"
"You're making me cry Zayn, I almost wanted to end the call but I want to know what makes you cry, you only cried when you found out that Santa did not exist and that's about it. You rarely shows your emotion so I know it something big had happened"
"I did something that I won't be able to forgive myself and I regret every second of it and I know she won't either" my voice started to become croaky because I was crying.
"What happened? Did you and Ella got into a fight or something? Or is work?"
"I cheated on her" with a heavy heart I confessed what I did to my mom.
"Oh no sonshine, I'm honestly disappointed in you! But you need me now. Poor Ella, where is she? Did she leave you? Zayn how could you do this to her? Were you drunk or something?" Hurt and sadness were in her eyes and she's torn to choose side between her son or Ella (mind you that she loves Ella to death and she even call her daughter in law)
"No mom that's the thing, I was sober and I still do it and I don't know why? It's just that I can't blame anyone but me. I did this to myself and I need to seek for forgiveness from her. It happened so fast and Ella has been sick since last week so I was really sexually frustrated and I took it out on someone else but that was so stupid of me. I should have waited for her to get better." At this point I'm convinced that I ran out of tears
"Zayn, you're wrong and stupid. Everything that you said about yourself was right okay? I know how Ella feels Zayn because I've been there and it was not easy especially if you're really in love with that person. Zayn, I taught you better than to be a cheater and here I hope I will get grandchildren soon but maybe it needs to postpone because of what you did. You jeopardise your relationship of 3 years just because you're sexually frustrated?? You could have taken a cold shower Zayn. I know it's something that you don't want to hear from anyone especially your mother but you need to listen to what I said okay? you do know that I love Ella so much right? I'm not trying to make you cry even more Zayn but there is something Ella has been planning on for some time now and now it crushed"
"Mom what is it? What did she planned?" I said suprised because I don't know anything about it
"Not before you tell me where's Ella?"
"Mom I hate myself for this even more but right now but she's in a hospital and in a critical condition 3 days ago but now she's stable" I said now looking at Ella and squeezing her hand softly.
"WHAT ZAYNN??? WHAT HAPPENED TO HER?" my mom shouted so loud that it might actually wake her up so I tone down the volume.
"She caught me in bed with another woman then she got into her car to run from me because I told her I will explained but before I even got the chance to tell her she got into a car accident because I kept on calling her then she answered but it's to late and the next thing I heard was like crashing sound and then silence" I said full on sobbing remembering that event.
"Oh my god! Zayn I- I dont know what to say. Can I see her??" She was trying to hold back her emotion but she was not able to and the next things I know she was bawling her eyes out
I turn the camera of my phone to Ella direction then I heard my mom sobs getting louder. I told her to please don't cry because it's making me feel even more guilty than before. She told me that she need to process everything and to end the call because she couldn't see Ella in that states, hooked on wired and tubes
"Zayn, I love you sonshine please tell Ella that I love her too and I will visit you as soon as possible." She said with red eyes but with sad smile.
"Okay mommy and I'm sorry again please don't hate me for what I've done. I lost Ella and I don't want to lose you too, I love you and dad" tears after tears until I ran out of it.
Then I ended the call but not before my mom tell me to take care of Ella and myself and she said she's gonna text me after this about all of this stuff and I just need to focus on Ella in which I already intended to do before she even asked me to do so.
I wiped my tears with the back of my hand and then I realized that my hoodies it wet because of my tears. So I went to change and wash my face in the bathroom before I went to her bed and seated myself beside her.
I give her a kiss on the cheeks and forehead only even though I badly wanted to kiss her lips but the oxygen mask preventing me to do so.
The last things I remember was looking at her and remembering all the good time about us before sleep took over me.
•••
Hey guys!! It's been so long since I've updated 😂 I'm pretty sure nobody will read this but if you do please comment and vote 💖
Thank you. Btw I'm writing this chapter at 2 in the morning
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