Missing Happiness

*4*

He opened the door and slowly closed them. He didn't wanted to wake up others. He was on his way upstairs when someone turned the lights on.

,,Taehyung where have you been?! I was so worried!" He turned around to see Jimin in a pyjama with a messy hair.

,,I just needed fresh air you know." Taehyung told him and looked at the ground.

,,TaeTae are you okay? Did anything happened?" Jimin walked closer to hug him but Taehyung stepped back.

,,You know you can tell me everything." Tae nodded.

,,I'm fine I just couldn't sleep but..."

,,What are you two doing here?" They looked at Jin. He was confused when he saw that Taehyung wasn't in a pyjama.

,,You're going somewhere?" He asked.

,,No I just..."

,,He just arrived." Jimin said.

,,You were outside in this time?" He looked a little bit angry.

,,Yes. Can I go to my room now?" Taehyung said quietly.

,,Hey are you okay?"

,,I'm fine just let me go to my bedroom." Jin took a step back so Taehyung could ran straight to his room and as always let others confused. This time it was different because...

,,Do you smell smoke like me?" Jin asked Jimin.

,,Yes. I think Taehyung is doing something bad but I don't know."

,,We should ask him tomorrow." And with that last sentence they both walked into their rooms.

When Taehyung ran to his room he locked like always and walked to bathroom. This time he sat on floor and took cigarettes and a lighter. He wanted to stop that voice in his head again. He picked one and put it between his lips then lit it with his shaky hands. Slowly absorbing nicotine to his lungs and hushing these voices. But still they weren't completely silent. He stood up and walked to bathroom cabinet and opened a drawer. He took that small shine blade and sat on the ground again. While pulling his sleeve up he felt tears in his eyes. Holding a razor between his fingers and then sliding it through his pale skin. Small drops of blood fell from that wound. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

,,You know this isn't enough. You need more, you want more! Do it again! Again! Again!"

That word. He heard only that word so he did it again and again and again.

,,That still isn't enough! But you have your other arm. Do it cut your right wrist!"

And as that voice told him he did it. He cut himself several times on both wrists. Under him there was a pool of blood. His vision was blurred. He slowly stood up and walked to the sink. He quickly washed all the blood from his arms and then bandaged them like always. He walked from the bathroom to his bedroom. He left all of the blood on the bathroom floor, because he was too tired to clean it and he felt sick. After all, the last time he ate was couple days ago. He lay down on his bed trying to fell asleep. It didn't took so long and he was finally sleeping.

×Morning×

He woke up in the morning because of a knocks on his doors. Slowly getting up while holding his head because of the awful pain. He felt his tingling wrists. These few steps to the door were harder than ever. He opened the door to saw Yoongi's fist and then he fell to the ground.

,,My gosh Taehyung I'm so sorry I didn't want to punch you!" Yoongi quickly kneeled down next to him and wanted to help Taehyung but he caught his hand and pulled it down.

,,It's okay hyung. I know you didn't mean it" He said but the voice in his head had been telling something different.

,,See?! He punched you because he hates you! Like other members, like everybody in the world!"

Taehyung quickly stood up and tried to show him best fake smile. And as always Yoongi though it was real.

***

Hey I know It's been like three months since I wrote this but I just don't know how to write this. So please don't kill me and live your lives guys. Thanks for reads and stars! Love you all so much!❤❤❤❤