Chapter 18 - A Parting of Ways

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Dawn boke over the lake in a haze of sunshine, throwing golden hues across the still water. All over the town, people were beginning to waken, to rub the sleep from their eyes and throw open the windows to greet the morning sun.

But Fili had been awake long before the race of Men began to stir from its slumber. Sleep had refused to come last night, and so he had returned to the balcony where they had feasted earlier. It was a mess. Leftovers from the feast lay all over the floor, spilt wine was dripping from one of the tables, under which Fili could see Bofur's sleeping form.

After picking his way through the debris, Fili leaned against the rail and looked out over Laketown. The sky was beginning to lighten in the east, but it was still a good while until sunrise, and darkeness still lingered between the old houses of the town.

It was then that he had noticed the tip of a wing hanging over the edge of the balcony's roof.

"We are safe here," he remembered saying. "Why don't you go and get some rest."

"You are never safe," was the Guardian's reply.

Unable to think of a suitable answer, Fili said instead, "Can I come up?" The wing disappeared, only to be replaced by a hand. Taking it, Fili stepped up onto the rail, turned, and clambered onto the roof. There he found Nema, her eyes red from a thousand bitter tears.

"I am sorry," he said once he had settled down beside her.

The Guardian frowned at him. "What do you have to be sorry for?"

"Many things. But at the moment I am sorry he was not who you thought he was."

"Do not apologise for his sake," Nema told him. "It is my own doing. I should have listened when you warned me not to trust him."

"I can't argue with that," Fili said, pleased when she granted him a smile, even if it was a weak one. "May I ask what happened?"

Nema shrugged. "He was angry with me. I was not behaving how he wanted me too. We started arguing and before I knew what was happening he was chasing me. He tried to shoot me down, Fili. I honestly think he meant to kill me."

"Kill you? Why would he want to kill his own kin?" Fili asked.

"He said he had orders to deal with me. Orders from other Guardians. When I started fighting back he told me what he had done to...to someone I cared about." Nema shivered then, as if to rid herself of an unpleasant memory. "I let him know he was no longer welcome here. He left, and that is about all there is to it."

For a while, Fili did not speak. There was something he had been thinking about that he wanted to ask her, something that had been bothering him.

"That day when I woke up beside the river...what happened while I was unconscious? What that what set him off?"

Name shifted uncomfortably beside him, and Fili had the strange sense that he had discovered the true reason behind Sîor's attack.

"Well?" he asked when she did not respond.

"Fili..." she whispered, uncertainty thick in her tone. "I don't think you want to know."

Her words only made the dwarf all the more eager to hear what had gone on between the Guardians that day. "Why would I not want to know? Tell me, Nema. Tell it to me true."

"After you fell," Nema began, her voice shaking. "I followed you, and carried you to safety. I waited for you to wake up, but you didn't. You were barely breathing and your heart...your heart had all but stopped. I did not want you to die, so I didn't let you."

Fili stared at her. "You didn't let me?" he asked, incredibly confused. "What does that mean?"

"It means I used my Last Chance to protect you. You see, Guardians have these silver feathers - only one per Guardian - that has the power to bring back our charges from the brink of death."

"But I thought you were protecting Thorin."

"I am. I just...I couldn't bear to lose you."

Fili was utterly stunned. He knew he was habouring deep feelings for the Guardian, but he had never expected her to ever feel the same. But was he sure she did? I am reading too much into her words.

"Say something."

What can I say? He thought, searching his mind for the right words. I love you. I can't stop thinking about you. I've never felt like this before about anyone. Please tell me you love me too. But all he could manage was a feeble, "Thank you."

Silence grew between them. Both had words they longed to tell the other, but neither dared to speak them. Instead, they took to watching the sky lighten as the sun peaked at them over the horizon. When they saw the first shutters of the day thrown open, Fili had the painful sense that he had missed something. There had been a chance of some sort, an opportunity to calm his aching heart - and he was allowing it to slip through his fingers.

As soon as he became aware of this, a surge of courage grew within him and made him grab hold of that chance before it disappeared. He faced Nema, took her hand in his, cupped her cheek with his other hand, and leaned toward her.

"What are you doing?" she said, smashing his courage to pieces with four short words.

"I was going to..." his voice trailed off. From below, they could hear the shouts of Thorin calling his company together. Fili thanked the rising sun for his uncle's interuption. "We should go," he said quickly, and scrambled off the balcony roof before she could call him back.

***

The people of the Lake put on a grand show to wish them well on their quest. Music and song echoed around the town to mingle with the delightful laughter of children. Every dwarf had been provided with new clothes, good armour, and more than enough weapons to see them to the mountain.

"Not you," said Thorin as Kili made to step down into the boat that would take them to the lake's northern shore. "You stay here."

Kili stared back at him. "But uncle, I have to go! I am part of the company!"

"You are not fit to travel," Thorin said. "You will only slow us down. Stay here and build your strength. You may follow when you are well again."

Hearing their conversation, Oin climbed out of the boat and back onto the pier. "My place is with the wounded," he told Thorin, who nodded his thanks.

When Thorin had joined him in the boat, Fili grabbed his uncle's arm. "Do not do this to him," he pleaded. "You know how much this quest means to us."

But Thorin shook his head. Deep down, Fili knew it was for the best. Kili was in no fit shape to make the journey up to the mountain, and if they encountered the dragon he was as good as dead.

"I will stay with him," Fili said. Ignoring his uncle's protests, he returned to the pier to his brother's side.

"What are you doing?" Kili asked. "The boat is leaving. You will be left behind!"

Fili didn't move. "We grew up on tales of the mountain," he said. "It seems only right that the first time we walk through the halls of Erebor, we do so together." In that moment, the dwarf was grateful that Nema had already taken to the skies, though even if she had been there to call him back into the boat, Fili knew he would not have done so. No matter what he felt for the Guardian, Kili would always come first, and right now, his brother needed him by his side.

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