Perfect... (Middle Earth Inspired Short Story)

Chapter 5

Lindir's POV
I hadn't seen Glaedir for almost two weeks now. Whenever I'd gone to the training grounds that red haired she elf had glared at me and made me leave. He was probably too busy anyway. I hated the strange hurt in my chest when I thought of him, the way it felt like my heart was unraveling. I needed to stop all of this, I needed to stop thinking about him.
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"Lindir?" Said Aerin softly, snapping me out of my daydream. I looked down at the salad I was meant to be eating, feeling slightly sick.
"Yes?" I replied.
"What's up with you? You've been getting quieter and quieter ever since those Lorien elves arrived. They're not bullying you are they?" She asked, looking worried. I choked on my words for a second, wanting to tell her everything but just not knowing how. I felt tears burning at the corners of my eyes. No. No. Not now. Not in the food hall where everyone could see me. Ashamed of my tears, I left quickly, ignoring Aerin's worried shouts.
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I leant with my back against my bedroom wall and sank down to the floor. I hated the way I felt, I hated that I was crying over it, I hated everything. I wanted Glaedir. I wanted to see him smile, I wanted to hear him laugh, I wanted him. I sat with my head in my hands, my fingernails digging into my scalp, trying to block out the thoughts of him that were tearing me apart. I didn't look up when Aerin came into the room, I just let her take me into her arms and comfort me like usual. I felt so guilty, she shouldn't have to deal with me. It wasn't fair on her that I was like this.
"I-I'm o-okay," I sniffed "Y-You can g-go."
"Lindir Haladan Eilauvaer," she scolded "I am not leaving you like this. You're upset and afraid and I'm not leaving you alone. Now please just tell me what's happened."
I felt fresh tears running down my face and I began to shake horribly.
"I-I think there's s-something wrong with m-me," I whimpered. Aerin nodded at me to continue.
"Th-There's a-a Lorien s-soldier, h-he's o-one of the c-corporals," I said shakily.
Aerin's brow furrowed.
"Has he been hurting you Lindir?" She asked, deadly serious. I shook my head.
"N-No. H-he'd never d-do that. I-It's just..."
I didn't want to say it. It was too wrong, too horribly wrong. I bit down on my tongue until I tasted blood. Aerin just began to look more and more worried as I sat there, shaking and crying like a baby. She rubbed my back gently, letting me sob into her shoulder.
"How do you feel about him?" She asked softly. I shook my head, refusing to admit it.
"Please Lindir," she pleaded "You can't keep bottling this up, it's tearing you apart."
Slowly, I began to control my sobs and found my voice.
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"I-I can't g-get his f-face out o-of m-my head, the w-way he l-laughs and smiles. M-My heart f-feels warm wh-when I-I think about h-him a-and I-it beats faster when he's n-near me. I-I haven't s-seen h-him I-in two w-weeks a-and I-it hurts. I-It's a-all s-so w-wrong, A-Aerin, a-and I-I don't know w-why."
Aerin stared at me for a moment, trying to process what I'd said. Fear gripped my heart, I was so afraid of what I was. I wasn't meant to feel this way.
"Oh Lindir," she said finally, her voice comfortingly soft "You're falling in love."
"I-I can't b-be," I panicked "H-He's a guy."
Aerin ran her fingers through my hair, smiling a little. I couldn't be falling in love with another man, it wasn't possible. Was it?
"You can be," she contradicted "I had a hunch anyway, I think you might be gay, Lindir."
I blinked twice. What?
"I-I don't understand," I stammered.
"Homosexual," Aerin said "You're just attracted to men instead of women. It's perfectly normal." I curled back up, my chin on my knees, trying to comprehend all this. If it was a normal thing, why hadn't I heard of it? I asked Aerin this and she gave a sad little smile.
"Because it's not so commonly talked about in the Elven world. It's openly accepted in dwarven culture and a little in the human world. It's just bit...controversial here."
By the look in her eyes, 'controversial' could easily mean 'taboo'. It was my turn to hug Aerin and she smiled softly, squeezing me a little in her arms.
"Th-Thank you," I whispered.
"Anytime."
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Glaedir's POV
I'd been worrying ever since I'd seen Lindir walking back to his room, tears in his eyes. He hadn't seen me, neither had the girl that'd followed him. Cautiously, and at a distance, I followed them through the winding corridors until I heard a door click shut and the sound of crying. My heart was breaking at the sound of his tears, I just wanted to burst in and kiss away his pain. The Sargent had kept a tight leash on me those two weeks, making we work and train until I was sore and exhausted. Lillieth and I had almost come to blows when I'd found out that she'd been scaring Lindir away, earning me yet another ear splitting shouting match from the Sargent. I was walking a very thin wire.
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"I-I can't g-get his f-face out o-of m-my head, the w-way he l-laughs and smiles. M-My heart f-feels warm wh-when I-I think about h-him a-and I-it beats faster when he's n-near me..."
His words came echoing from the room and out into the corridor where I was stood. He really felt that way about me? I smiled to myself. I'd missed him, his shy gaze and his quiet little voice, the way he made me just want to hug him forever. And now he felt the same way. Maybe, just maybe, with a little bit of charm, he could be mine.
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After a while, I could hear the girl getting up and going to leave. I quickly made myself scarce, grinning like a lunatic. I ran all the way back to the barracks, collapsing on the porch of my barrack house and staring up at the stars, wanting to laugh aloud with euphoria.
"What the hell are you doing?" Asked a familiar voice. Urgh, she had to ruin everything didn't she?
"Being happy, so piss off and leave me in peace."
"Whatever you say weirdo."
I sat up and glared at her.
"What do you want, Lillieth?" I growled. She met me with an equally cold stare, her blue eyes the colour of icicles.
"I want to know what the hells got you so happy. It's not that bloody Rivendell elf is it?" She answered. I didn't answer, but I knew she could tell. If she wasn't psychic, I was straight. Lillieth was silent for a moment, her expression calculating and a little malicious. My stomach went cold.
"The Sargent will hear of this," she said finally.
"What? Why?" I demanded, anger flaring in my voice. I knew he was my commanding officer but he didn't have to know everything about my life, my sexual orientation being at the very bottom of that list.
"Because you're going to be more distracted than ever with a boyfriend added to the mix, it might be safer if you're shipped back to Lothlorien. Away from temptation."
Acid dripped from her voice, her words burning me. Lillieth was a powerful ally to have and, as I'd discovered, an even more dangerous enemy. I couldn't be shipped back home. I would lose my promotion, the trust of the captain and above all Lindir. I could picture the disappointment on my Ada's face if I arrived home, demoted and disgraced. It couldn't happen, I wouldn't let it happen.
"What can I do to stop you telling him?" I asked. Her lips curved into a malicious grin.
"Stop seeing him," she hissed "In fact, break his heart so thoroughly that he'll never want to see you again."