a corruption of the mind [r.t.]

10

— May 2nd, 1993 (6:00 pm)

     As you walked home that day, the sun just setting, you started to cry. It was a painful experience, and you had gone through worse, but this just hit the nail in deeper into your hand. It was at this moment that you started to contemplate your actions, and think what you would do thoroughly. Did you really want to do this? What if what he did wasn't from the bottom of his heart, then what would you do? Could you leave him here alone in this cruel world, would that be to heartless? If he were to stay, then what could happen to him? He might end up with the same fate as you. Would you mind? You had to stop yourself there, of course you would mind. He had so much potential, and a full life to live for. The fact that you thought that only added to your long list. Of course, being the clutz you were, you tripped and fell into the worst person ever. You landed into his chest, feeling the muscles through his muscle shirt. His hands were underneath your armpits, squeezing a bit as you slowly looked up to see the worst person in existence. Your very own clown. Henry Bowers. Your breath hitched, his smile only grew into one you thought you would only see in movies.

     "See you've been avoiding me in school, gotten over your little sickness yet? You don't seem too sick to me, if you ask me," your tears threatened to come down faster, breath as shallow as Eddie's, "how about we go over to my house and find out?" This wasn't a question, by now it should be known that whatever he said was truth. Like a God you were forced to worship, you followed him helplessly to his home around the corner, his grip only tightening the closer you got to the door. At this moment, you had nothing to lose, so your body tried once more, one more try. One more chance.

     "Please." He turned, hand on the doorknob, and laughed so hard you thought there was no more tears to cry. This was the last plea, and just like that, it was ignored as a simple word. Dismissed, as you would have liked to thought. That way it was heard. Heard, but not wanted. It was the least They could do, these were you last moments. The only thing you would promise yourself was that you would not make a sound. No matter what, you were determined to not let him enjoy this. He was gonna die knowing that you never let him feel satisfied in your last moments. Like the biggest Fuck You Henry in the world. "Go out with a bang" is what you always told Richie, that way you could stay in people's minds even though you would not be there to see it.

     And like an obeying slave, you leaned over his bed, face expressionless, and letting one more tear out. It was not going to cause you anymore pain, from now on, you would make sure of that. Nothing was going near you, except for the gloved hands of the doctors.

— May 3rd, 1993

     "That'll be $20.00 Ms. [Last Name], anything else?" The sweet cashier put everything you got in the paper bag, giving you a slightly worried smile. I guess it was a bit weird that you were buying so many things like chocolate, candy, chips, soda, and other things you had not tried. That you were doing this without Mr. Tozier, you never went to the store without him. Ever since that day, you hadn't. It was part of going out with a bang, and nobody else would understand that aspect of it unless they lived through your past year. To think it could get better, hah, what a joke. If you were told that you were going to end it here a few months ago, then you would have said that there was still hope. That you could go to the police, tell your mother, and get some help. That Richie would help you out of it. No, he was just a band aid, covering up the pain.

     "No, that's it," you handed her a hundred dollar bill, surprising her, "Ms. [Last Name], we don't take anything more that $50.00! Do you have something else-?"

     "Keep the change," a dreamy expression went over your face, making her fear even more, "where I'm going, I won't need it."

     "A-re you going on a road trip with Mr. Tozier, is that why you got so m-many things?" You looked up at her, the pretty blue sparkle in her eyes, and smiled at her. You could see it in her, the long life she had already lived, no regrets. She probably had kids, all grown up and working in banks, engineering, and probably even in other countries. She genuinely cared for you, but it was already decided. Maybe in your afterlife there might be another cashier lady. How rude of you, at least get her name before you leave forever. Cindy. Cindy. What a pretty name. Just thinking of her name made your heart bubble. All of your bubble. You would mids her, that's for sure. Every day that you came here with Richie to get cheap brownie mix, which he would make into edibke art, she was here. Telling you two to stay out of trouble, that Richie needed to treat you nice, and to have a great rest of our day. Great.

     "Yeah, road trip," you could see it was her final try, ripping you to shreds, but not breaking you, "just for me."

     As you got home that night, you ate as much as you wanted, and did things you thought you would never do. There was a bottle of whiskey at your side, a bag full of your favorite foods, and your favorite show on the tv. You were just doing what you liked, until it all ran out. Going out with a bang was different to many people, but for you it was just like this. If you hsd the guts, then maybe you would have tried to lie on train tracks, but you wanted peace in your last moments. Finally, the snacks ran out, your whiskey had nothing but a drop, snd you show changed to some strange cartoon. It was time. You grabbed you radio, and played your favorite station. Happy. Angry. Sad. Scared. Scared. Terrified. Gulp. Relief.

     "And you've got to let me knooooow,
Should I stay or should I go."