Dear mom, I'm sorry

~ E P I L O G U E ~

9 years later ..

We don't talk anymore.

9 years has passed by and Adam has completely shut me out of his life.

9 years has passed by and my life has incredibly changed. Don't worry I'm still the same Aisha, same personality and mindset. The only thing that'd changed about me is the headscarf and the wedding ring on my finger.

I've finished my studies and graduated 4 years ago Alhamdoulillah and I've decided to be a sociologist to help young kids, adolescents and even young adults to get into a better relationship with their parents and families.

Since my mother's janazah Adam sunk into a depression. Although he didn't utter it clearly, I could see that he held a grudge against me. He'd always surrender things and we'd argue over useless things. I don't blame him, to him, I'm the murderer who caused my mother's death.

After month and half, he accepted my dad's proposition and moved on to his house to live with him. He has restricted his limits with me since then. He didn't even call me once to ask how I was doing, didn't show up on my wedding day and barely called to congratulate me after I had delivered my first baby.

But today's Adam's birthday. He turns 14 and after all I decided to go to see him after all these years and hopefully make up with him again. I'm not the Aisha he knew before, I have changed a lot and I've also learnt a lot and I'm ready to try my best to make our bond better and stronger.

I parked the car as soon as I saw the white & black house that my father had indicated me. I came out and walked to the house. A soft sound emitted from the rigging button as I touched it. The door opened mildly and a grey haired man was standing in front of me. I immediately recognized my dad.

"Dad,"

"Aisha,"

We hugged one another passionately as we haven't seen each other for weeks. The day of my mother's janazah he showed up at the cemetery, but I couldn't recognize him. With reddened eyes he gave his condolences to my brother and I. We thanked him preciously and offered him something to quench his thirst.  And that's when, he admitted that he was our father and explained the reason of his departure. I must admit that I was shocked but yet very happy to see him again.

He also cried a lot begging for our forgiveness and for not being here for us. Adam and I just comforted him and smiled at him. I didn't care at that point anymore. I was glad he came back into our lives.

I didn't feel hatred for him anymore.

"Come in" He drew back to let me in. I unknotted the scarf around my neck and took my heels off. A good fire was lit in the room. I grabbed my purse and sat down.

"I'm going to get the cake at the store. The guests are on their way to come. Drinks and sweets are set on the kitchen table; serve yourself as you wish." My dad announced, putting his coat on.

"Thank you." I nodded. "Where's Adam"?

"In the backyard learning Quran"

I slowly tiptoed to the backyard and stood there. A wide window glass was separating us. I eyed him through the glass, making sure I won't get caught. Despite all these years he didn't change a bit, well he got cuter, but besides that his love for the Quran and Allah haven't changed a bit, even after nine years.

I kept eyeing him from behind when our eyes accidentally met, he immediately closed the Holy Quran afterwards.

"Hi, Adam" I waved embarrassedly.

"Who are you"? He frowned, coming closer.

I froze into my tracks. Who are you? Doesn't he recognize me anymore? Even after nine years?

"I'm Aisha, y — your sister .." I revealed, tears blurring my view. "Don't you recognize me"?

In response his face went red with anger and he declared before storming off. "I don't have a sister! She's dead to me! You have nothing to do here"!

His words penetrated me like an enraged knife, making my heart into pieces. I grabbed his arm and pleaded. "Adam please listen to me" !

He didn't reply and looked over his shoulder. Still grabbing his arm, I declared "I have a 2 years old son who's craving for meeting you , every day he's asking about you.."

He turned to me. I smiled. He spitted out. "If that's why you came you can return home nicely."

Il turned on his heel when I stopped him & hugged him from the back. "I know you still hate me for — for what happened.. but please allow me to explain myself"

As he stayed silent, I continued. "I love you Adam, you're my brother, I'd never do anything that'd hurt you, you know that. I know that I didn't deserve to be alive but I've never forced my mother to risk her life for me."

"I've realized the consequences of my deeds through these years and as a human being I'm not perfect, but I'm still working on myself."

"I miss you a lot Adam, and I want you back to my life." My voice cracked before I could realize I've sobbing on his back.

Adam took my hands off of him and turned to me. I made a step backward and backhanded my tears away. "If I could go back in the past I swear by Allah that I'd have made it right"

"I'm sorry Adam, I'm so sorry" I continued.

He placed his hands on my shoulders and smiled weakly. "I must admit that you're very ugly when you cry." 

I laughed between choke of tears and punched his arm. "Hey, still prettier than you."

He pouted his lips thoughtfully and cocked his head. "Maybe"?

We laughed. But became serious again.

"D-does it mean that you've forgiven me"? I reached my hand out to him, hopeful.

He looked hesitantly at my hand. Closed his eyes & grabbed it. "Yes, you're forgiven."

We looked at one another dearly when my dad interrupted. "Did I miss something"? He asks with a smile, holding a box in his hands.

I gave a malicious look at my brother, still grabbing his hand and revealed. "No, it's just the beginning .."

"Of a new story .." he finished with a smile, eyes glued into mine.