Average Jane |Lesbian Story|

Chapter 20

All afternoon classes were canceled for the science fair. Hundreds of students and dozens of teachers filled the gym, plus any parents who didn't have to work that day – and the judges.

Jane's display attracted more attention than any of the other displays nearby. Over and over again she bounced her demonstration balls and explained her results. Hers was definitely the most popular display with the students. And several of her teachers lingered, too. Even Mr. Putnam took a turn bouncing the basketball. He looked a bit like a basketball himself, with a black-and-white bow tie painted on one side.

"By the way, Jane," he said in a low voice as he handed the ball back, "I'm in the process of grading last week's math tests, and I must say you did very well."

Jane was surprised, but not very surprised. She had been working her butt off in math. She even dreamed of doing it. Either her effort paid off or the test had been the easiest one Mr. Putnam had given all year.

"That test was my toughest yet," Mr. Putnam said, straightening his bowtie, which didn't need straightening. "I think we have Peer-Teaching to thank for this, don't you?"

Lucy. She had Lucy to thank for. Jane usually understood a problem better after a few sessions with her and after she had explained it the simplest way possible. If only Jane hadn't agreed to keep quiet with the contest scam. If only she hadn't been the one who had told her to apply. If only the contest were a real one that Lucy had really won.

"May I have a turn?" someone else asked. Jane turned off her guilty thoughts about Lucy. And Emily.

The judges finally came to Jane's display around two-thirty – a man and a woman, each carrying a clipboard. By now Jane had explained her project so many times to so many people that any trace of nervousness was gone. She looked at them in the eyes as she answered their questions, the way Caroline had told her to do. When they were done, she thanked them and shook their hands. She felt as if she were Caroline, making a successful, game-saving free throw in front of a gym packed with cheering fans. Maybe she would be a scientist someday.

The judges moved on to Mary's display. Emily was next.

With the judges' visit behind her, Jane could leave her booth now and walk around for a bit. She acted as if she were just strolling aimlessly about, but she stopped at Emily's booth.

"Hi," Jane said.

"Hi," Emily said.

Jane looked again at Emily's almost bare rectangle of poster board, with its crooked lettering squeezed too close to the top. It wasn't fair that Jane had had so much help from Caroline and her dad, while Emily hadn't gotten any help from anyone. Maybe Jane should have worked with Emily, after all. Jane wished that Emily could be sharing her moment of triumph instead of standing alone- hurt, jealous, and abandoned.

"When the judges come?" Jane said awkwardly. "Well, Caroline told me – it's a good idea to look them in the eye when you talk to them. And thank them when they're done. And, you know, shake their hands."

Emily didn't say anything. But she didn't look particularly grateful for Jane's suggestions.

Jane tried again. "It's just that – they like enthusiasm, Caroline said. They like it if you act enthusiastic."

"What if you're not?" Emily asked. Her voice was so hard and cold that Jane took a step backward as if Emily had slapped her. "Maybe I'm not as good as you are at pretending to be something I'm not."

"It's not pretending, Em," Jane said. She found herself becoming angry at Emily's pathetic remark. "It's not pretending to try to do your best at something – to give yourself a chance at something and to be worthy of yourself."

"Fine, you haven't been pretending to be nice to Lucy, to be the kind, concerned friend Ms. Anderson thought you to be either, have you?"

Jane took another step back, this time the slap seemed harder. What Emily said was true. But as for the rest, she wasn't pretending. She was really genuinely trying to do her best. And if she had to admit, she had actually cared about Lucy. More than anyone knew.

It was Emily's own fault that she was such a loser. She didn't have to be. At least, she could have printed the title of her project neatly. How hard would it have been to push a little more?

"You don't have to be a loser, you know," Jane blurted out. "It's like you try to be a loser."

"Well then, you don't have to be friends with a loser," Emily shot back. She was shouting now, the way she had shouted at Ms. Reeds on the day of the book reports. That day she had been taking Jane's side, as Jane's best friend.

Now the friendship was over.

"Excuse me, girls."

The judges had arrived at Emily's display. Jane turned and walked away.