Hard Core Langst (Mostly)

Chapter 3

I know I'm skipping but like I'll do a part two I just need to do something a little bit smaller before that.

"Did you forget your place? Your mission?" Keith yelled. I took it silently. "We can't go home and see our families! There are thousands, millions of people out there, enslaved by the Gulra, and you want to go home, putting the lives of your family over everyone's life in the universe?" My heart was pulling itself in two. I didn't look up, gaze focused on the floor. If I looked up I'd break.
"None of us asked for this, but we all took it in stride. You can't leave. How would we form Voltron?"
I didn't answer.
"We couldn't, then whole solar systems of planets and people would die. Just because of your selfish decision." Keith paused. "Do you have anything to say, Lance?" He said my name like an insult.
My head snapped up, showing the tears that had started in my eyes. "I'm not putting my family over everyone else. I'm leaving for the better of the team. I know you don't need me here. All I do is make bad jokes and I make bad situations worse. Look at our latest mission! I took one wrong step and we all almost died Keith! I can't stand knowing I could cause anyone's death, I wouldn't be able to live with myself! I can hardly live with myself know, knowing that I have just made things worse this whole time!" My tears flooded over the rim. "Everytime I try to lighten the mood I get exasperated comments, and I just continue to put on this front of a carefree, confident Paladin of Voltron,  but I'm just a scared and broken teenager! I want to go home, see my family, let them know I'm not- I'm not dead yet, see the rain, feel the Sun, play with my little siblings in the grass. I just- I just want this all to be over." I finished quietly, tugging slightly on the rim of my sleeve.
"Lance, I-"
"And it doesn't help," I backed up towards the door. "That-that everytime I see you my heart rips in two, every time your voice is over the comms I die a little inside, every look you give me makes my gut clench, because there is no way, " I had backed up enough to run. "There is no way that the hotheaded red paladin loves me back." I finished, choking on my emotions.
"Lance I- dont-" I didn't wait to hear him. I ran, straight to my pod. It was prepacked. With shaking hands, I entered the coordinates to go to Earth.
The pod started up. It was about to take off when Keith burst into the hangar. "Lance!" He yelled. I turned away, and the pod sped into space, leaving behind all the cold looks, all the distain, my rival.
If I was leaving all of that behind, why did I just feel worse?
My tears we're now unhindered. They came thick and fast. A sob erupted from my throat. I had told Keith how I felt, and now he probably hated me, more than before. I saw a blue planet passing by. It seemed full of water.
Do it. A voice in my head said.  I had no helmet, no space suit. I guided the pod towards the planet.
"Ance..... Lan-... Lance!" A voice crackled from the radio. Oh no, not now, please, just just, go away. I thought, wanting to turn it off. "Lance! Don't- plea- nce!" The voice was chopped up so I only heard bits and pieces of whoever was trying to talk to me. Suddenly, as clear as day, a song started playing through the speakers. After a few bars, I recognized it from Keith's emo music.
I know you want to leave, but friend, please don't take your life away from me.
My sobs renewed. I couldnt handle this. The pod stopped, and I curled in on myself.
Friend, please, remove your hands from over your eyes, for me.
I looked up at the radio.
Won't you let me know your plans tonight?
"I- I can't do this anymore." I whispered.
Friend please, don't take your life away from me.
The song sped up, and I pulled into a nosedive. Tears clouded my vision. "I'm sorry."
The pod automatically slowed down right before the water. It hovered ten feel above the calm surface. I looked into the murky water. I opened the door.
"Lance don't!" The radio screamed desperately. "Please Lance don't-"
I jumped, right into the freezing water.
I sank, peacefully, gracefully, wanting to drown, to escape it all. The sunlight sparkled through the murk. It looked warm on the outside, yet was as cold as ice on the inside, just like me. A tear leaked from my eye, blending in with the water. My lungs started to ache. My bones were quaking. My skin wasn't meant to survive these temperatures. My body started convulsing in the cold. My lungs started to protest harder. My body wanted to get to the surface, it was panicking. My mind was perfectly calm.
This is the end.
I closed my eyes. My body accepted it's fate and stopped moving, the screaming in my chest was easier to ignore. I was forgetting the long nights I stayed up, crying, cutting, wanting to end right then and there. Now I could finally put my emotions to rest.  No glares. Nothing to make my hand itch for a blade. Nothing to make my heart tear itself apart.
My vision was tunneling. I was still sinking slowly. The planets gravity was different. I sank much slower than I would have on Earth. I had wanted to see my family one last time before I did this. But Keith made it clear that was unimportant. A light sparked in the distance. A red dot seemed to be coming towards me. My vision darkened more and more, until I know no more.
*Keith third person limited perspective*
"Lance!" He yelled at the pod, right before it departed. Lance's sudden confession had left him stunned. He ran down the halls, yelling for Coran to contact the pod that just left. Shiro came out of his room.
"Keith whats-"
"Lance just left after saying he's suicidal." He yelled, running faster. "Coran! Contact that pod!" He screamed, thrown into a panic.
"Why, what's a matter?" Coran asked, fingers already running over the screens.
"He said-he said that he didn't see the point anymore. He just wanted to go home and end it all." He said softly, voice cracking. "It's all my fault." He whispered, looking down.
"Lance! Lance, can you hear me?" Coran said into the radio. No response. "Lance, please don't ignore me!"
Keith suddenly heard song lyrics his head. "Do we have access to the pods speakers?" He asked, pulling out his space phone.
He laid it on the omniscensor, and clicked Friend, Please by Twenty One Pilots. The song filled the air in bother the Castle and the pod. Lance started sobbing.
The song continued.
Whispered, barely audiable, Lance's voice came through the song. "I can't do this anymore."
The song sped up.
"I'm sorry."
Keith's eyes widened. He suddenly knew what Lance was doing. "Lance don't! Please Lance don't do it!" Keith yelled, suddenly at the mic. He heard the sound of a body hitting the water. "Lance!" He yelled.
He ran from the room and got into his lion. He couldn't let him die, not after he knew the feeling was mutual, that he wasn't the only one suffering.
The trip seemed to take hours when it took less than a minute.
He let his lion dive Right into the water below the pod. He couldn't see anything in the murk. Red's scanners searched until they honed in on a warm spot. He hurtled towards it. His breath caught once he was visible. Slowly sinking, his eyes were closed, body limp. A small smile was on his lips, sad but content.
Keith grabbed him and sped up in the water as fast as the lion could go. He was back in the castle in second.
"Did you-" Keith came out of the Lion with Lance's limp body in his arms.
All the paladins caught thier breath. "Is he-" Pidge rushed forward. She started checking his vitals. She sighed in temporary relief. "He needs a healing pod, right now."
*Time skip I'm lazy*
*Lance POV again*
I heard the sound of a healing pod opening. I felt strong arms catch me. I looked up, just to immediately look down in shame. Everyone was looking at me with concern. I didn't want thier concern or pity. I just wanted to die. I guess I couldn't even do that properly.
"Lance-" someone started softly.
"I- I'm sorry." I said, voice cracking.
"Would you do it again?" Allura asked, surprisingly direct.
I paused, then closed my eyes. "Yes." I muttered.
"Then you aren't sorry. I'm tired of everyone saying 'sorry' then go do it again." She said, angry. Softer, she added "Please don't do any of it again."
I blinked back tears. "I- I can't do this." I whispered. I couldn't open up. I was too vulnerable. I couldn't stand everyone looking at me. I couldn't stand it that I was just helpless and supporting my wieght almost totally on Keith.
"Yes, you can. Your stronger than you give yourself credit for." Shiro said, resting a hand in his shoulder.
"I'm suicidal and bisexual. How the hell does that make me strong?" I burst out. I couldn't take it. I wanted to run, but my body was too tired to do anything other than weakly shake.
"There is nothing about liking both men and women that makes you weak." Shiro said.
"And, if I'm being honest, we've all probably contemplated suicide before. We live a difficult life, Lance. But we have to keep living it, for our sake, and for the sake of the ones around us. If I killed myself tonight, who would finish the stromboli in the fridge? I would never eat Hunk's amazing food again. It's the little things in life that matter." Keith said, arms still around me.
I burried my head into his chest. I wasn't used to this. I started crying.
"I can't stay out of this." Hunk said, then squished me between him and Keith.
Suddenly everyone was hugging.
*Season four flashbacks*
"Th-thanks guys." I said, sniffling.
"Oh, and Lance?" Keith said.
"Yeah?"
"I owe you something." I was confused. What did he owe me?
Then our lips collided.

Jesus ok that's done this one is really good Jesus Christ I love it ok well I'll work on part two to chapter 2 tomorrow bc I need sleep I have school tomorrow.