Hard Core Langst (Mostly)

Chapter 2 Part 3

Get ready kiddies and kiddos this is a doozy. THE LANGST YOUVE ALL BEEN WAITING FORRRR
The air was still, only interrupted by Lance's mad mutterings and sobs.
They fell away slowly, then all at once.
"Lance?" Keih asked hesitantly.
"No." Lance's voice said, suddenly strong.
Keith backed up. "Get out of Lance, Locktar."
"Lotor, and no, I don't think I will." The malicious sound of Lance's voice sounded wrong. He was suddenly hard, closed off, distain. Cruel. He twitched. And his eyes, instead of the blue orbs filled with mischief, they were more of a dull grey, analytical. "He knows he can't beat me. Lance is gone."
"No!" It was Pidge. "I refuse to believe it, Motor." She had her bayard out.
"Lotor! And you better believe it, Paladins. I will use him to get to you." He drew Lance's bayard. It's gun appeared.
With a small cry, Pidge leapt into action. She dodged blasts and got close to Lance. But whenever she went for a strike, those blue eyes lit up just enough to show Lance was still trying.
Pidge fell back, panting. "Locomotive is using Lance like a meat shield. He knows we can't hurt him."
"Indeed, small nuisance." Lotor said through Lance. "I could kill him at a moment's notice." He raised the bayard to his head. "So don't try to stop me." Then he turned and tried to redo the bomb. He twitched again.
"Stop it." Lance/Lotor turned. Hunk was standing there, bayard gun raised. "I don't want to hurt my buddy, but I'm not past grazing him."
He smiled insanely. It fit on Lance's face strangely, not as if it belonged, but as if it had been there before.
"Why not" he twitched hard. "Why not on his forearm? Or inner thighs? They have already," he twitched again, eyes switching between blue and grey. "They've already been grazed."
"Wait- do you mean-" Hunk dropped his weapon, and it vanished back into a bayard. Lance/Lotor nodded.
"I know things about Lance that-" he twitched, his eyes becoming a panicked blue mess. "-that would shock you."
"Yeah, then you know he never rivaled my in strength." Shiro said, lunging at Lance/Lotor to pin him down. They dodged, then hit smartly hit Shiro in the back, sending him to the ground.
"Yeah, and I also know that he never thought he was-" there was the twitch. "-was never good enough to gain your approval. Always 'Lance, try harder, Lance, don't do that, do this, not that, Lance, no.' he got quite frustrated about it actually. Hides behind his smile." He said, smiling hugely to prove his point.
"You can't pull one past me." Keith said, lunging into battle. Lance/Lotor was surprised at the agility shown by the red paladin.
"Maybe I should take you instead, Red." He said with a chuckle.
"I don't think so. Leave Lance alone." He said, never missing a beat.
"It's fine. Even if I did, you'd never believe I was truely gone." He said, snarling his teeth. "There would always be a small doubt in you, in Shiro, and in the boys mind. Like sickness, it never goes away, you just get immune to it. He'll doubt his every move, just like you guys. You won't know if it's me or Lance doing the piloting."
Keith dodged a blow. "Yeah? We know Lance. And this isn't him."
"Oh, isn't it?" He got out of range, then pulled up his sleeve. Gauze was wrapped around the arm from wrist to elbow. Red was slowly blooming on the off white cotton as old cuts opened with all the movement. "You've never heard him cry at night, or the running water as he washed away the blood. You haven't noticed the way he walks the morning after a particularly bad day, from cutting his thighs so much he thought he might possibly be lucky enough to die. You didn't care. And now that he's in trouble you suddenly want him to be ok? He was never ok. He is the Broken Paladin. Once whole but now he is just a seventh wheel." He said with a snarl. A single tear slipped down Lance's face.
"How do we know you aren't making this up?"
"I'm not. The proof is on his arms."
Keith took the opportunity. He took the flat of his blade and hit Lance/Lotor upside the head, catching him when he crumpled. He felt like a fragile bird, to be loved and cherished but treated lightly.
"Let's, um, get him to a pod." Keith said through the stunned silence. Coran took him and got him ready. Coran, who had been like an uncle to all of the paladins, had already known, but promised to to say a word for Lance.
*Dun dun time skip for the lazy author dun dun*
Lance had been moved from a healing pod to his current position a few minutes before he woke up. He blinked, confused. Last thing he remembered it Lotor saying that he could convince him to join his army. He looked up, and saw everyone. "What- what's happening?" He tried to run his eyes to find he couldn't. "Why am I chained to a wall?"
"I- We're terribly sorry Lance," Allura said, "but we don't know if we can trust you."
Lance looked confused. "I haven't- I haven't done anything... Have I?"
"You nearly killed all of us with a bomb rigged to the main chrystal." Keith said, salty.
"I what? I don't remember anything after... After Lotor saying he could convince to join him. I was positive he was wrong but- did I- did I hurt anyone?"
"No one besides yourself."
Lance's cheeks flamed in shame. He looked down. "I, uh, I can explain."
"No need."
He closed his eyes against the tears. "I'm sorry."
"You say that alot." Allura said. "Do you really mean it?"
"I'm sorry I have to put you guys through this, that you have to put up with me. I- I'm disgusting. I don't-" his voice broke.
They looked at each other. "Lance..." It was Shiro. Of course it was Shiro. "We really don't want to do this, but we can't trust you. Lotor got in your head once and made it very clear he could be back. We can't take that sort of risk. I hope you understand."
Lance looked back down. "Yeah. I do. Can I at least get locked in my room?" He asked. Shiro looked at the others.
"I think that's fair."
*Shit I'm lazy time skip*
Lance was in his room with his sheets. They had taken out most technology, except his music and a call button. He grabbed a blade. We can't trust you. Your not worthy. Disgusting. What a piece shit. Why do you care? They sure as hell don't. You can't be sure if it's you or Lotor. He pulled up his sleeve. He healing pod healed his previous cuts, leaving the surface clean except for a few scars. He went to the bathroom. Laying down a towel, he started. Cut. Cut. Cut. Useless. Seventh wheel. Cargo pilot. Goofball. Replaceable. Stupid. Cut. Cut. Tears were streaming down his face. Untrustworthy. An item. He cut harder. The insults in his head kept getting louder. Idiot. Unnoticed. Expendable. Worst Paladin. Weak. Fag. His vision was tunneling. He didn't stop. His hands and the towel were stained crimson. Lance felt light headed, but the words kept coming. Unloved. Inconvenience. Not worth it. Suddenly a hand grabbed his before he could make another stroke. He snapped back to reality. He was lightheaded. Lance looked up. "Keith?"
"No, Beyonce. Yes it's Keith. Stop cutting yourself." He said, sitting down in front of him with a med kit and a few towels.
"Keith, I-"
"No. Don't explain. Just stop cutting."
He hadn't realized his fingers were still latched into the razor. He dropped it into the bloody mess.  Keith grabbed his arm and took a towel to it, moping up blood. Lance sat there, still sniffling, but hardly aware of what was happening. His back was against the wall, and his eyes were closed. He floated between reality and nothingness.
"...nce?....ance....Lan.... Lance!" Someone was shaking his shoulder.
"Hmm?" He moved, his eyes flittering open, once bright blue now dulled down, but just as beautiful, if not sad.
"I said you should get some rest. You lost alot of blood."
"That's half the thrill..." He muttered, his head lulling forward.
"Lance, don't-" Keith squatted down in front of him. "Hey.". He put his face between his hands to that he was looking right at him.
"Keith, I just want to die, is that," he coughed, "is that too much to ask? I just... I wanna die..."
"Yes, it is. Now come one, your getting to bed." He took Lance's good arm around his shoulders and half carried him to his bed. He winced when his arm hit the matress.
Keith had went to leave. "Keith..." He turned. "Don't- Don't go. Please." He said through his spinning head. Keith sat down on the bed, then put a curled up, broken Lance in his arms.

It didn't end how I thought it would but I like it! It's currently 2:11 in the morning and I have class at 8 tomorrow so night have good angst