Hard Core Langst (Mostly)

Chapter 4

Hey guys.

I know that you're probably confused, sad, maybe even angry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

The note was scribbled out and crumpled up.

Hey.
I guess you found me then, huh? I'm sorry, and I can't defend my actions. I couldn't take it anymore. The pain, the suf

The note ended and was like the other: scribbled out and crumpled up, in the trash.

I am so sorry.

I'm sorry.

Please forgive me.

Tell my family I love them.

Oh, Lance, we we're your family.

Why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you reach out, tell somebody? Why- Why did you do it?

My actions have paved the way for a new Blue Paladin. I know I was never wanted. I knew

Scribbles and wrinkles were now joined with tear splotches.

I can't do this. I am sorry, I know you guys might be heartbroken, or angry. I couldn't go on.

The writting got increasingly messy.

I did it for the better of the team. Don't go looking for me; I'll probably already be gone, but more permanently.

The tear marks became more frequent. The scribbles were harsher, more rushed. The crumples were more in a rush.

A dozen more notes like that in the trash. Two dozen. Three dozen. They were in the trash, in folders and binders under the bed, in the closet, in the bathroom trash, in the dresser drawers.

Until the one on the bed was read.

Hi guys.

I guess I finally did it. First of all, I guess I'm sorry. I didn't want to do this before Zarkon was defeated, but apparently life got to be too much. I hope you understand. Maybe you'll find me one day, alone in space with thousands of Gulra ships around my defenseless pod. Maybe I'm already dead. I'm sorry. I regret so much, but the biggest thing I regret is not opening up to you guys before it got too much, before I was too scared, before I went too far to ever be redeemed. I'm sorry.

I love you all like a second family, my Space Family. But I hope you understand when I say that I can't do this anymore. Maybe the next paladin will have more resolve, a better bond with Blue, a better personality. Maybe they won't be a lousy cargo pilot.

I love you all so much, and I'm so sorry
Lance.

The castle honed in on the pod. "Lance? Lance can you hear me?" Shiro asked into the radio. No answer. "Lance? We don't hate you. We just want to to come back." No answer. "Lance, we're going to bring the pod into the Castle." Radio silence.
The pod slowly got pulled into the Castle's hangar.
"Lance?" Shiro called, the others standing behind him. He opened the pod. Lance was curled up in the pilots seat, tear streaks running down his cheeks. "Lance?" Shiro climbed up into the pod. He checked his pulse. It was strong. He looked at the others, reading the question on thier faces. "He's alive." They visibly relaxed.
"Why would he- why?" Pidge whispered
"Life gets to be too much." Keith said, "you feel as if it doesn't matter, as if you have no one. There's a darkness that's always just one thought away. You feel like you either have too many emotions or all of them were sucked right out of you. You take the unhealthy route to feel something or rid the emotional pain by mutilating your arms and inner thighs. You think twice about going to bed, thinking about the easiest route out. You-" his voice cracked ever so slightly. "You can't find a reason to stay here. It all just seems pointless, like a merry go round, you just go around and around, coming back to the same insults, same thoughts, same downs. The ups get harder to reach. You just... You just want to die." Keith said.
"How do- how do you know this?" Allura asked.
"I used to be the same way. Look at me, it isn't hard to tell."
Silence echoed loudly in the Castle of Lions. What had driven Goofball Lance to this point?
He stirred, face scrunching up.
"Lance?" Shiro asked, squatting down and putting a hand on his shoulder. He woke up slowly, eyes fluttering. He looked up. "Shiro?" He sat up. "Wha-" he suddenly remembered. Looking down in shame and embarrassment, Lance muttered "I'm sorry."
Shiro put a hand on Lance's shoulder, causing him to flinch. "Lance, we don't hate you. We want to be there for you. If you would just let us..." Shiro said, soft but strong.
"I-" he was pulled into a hug before he could make an excuse or apologize. After a second, he hugged him back. The Blue Paladin felt safe for the first time in months.

Sorry this one is shoddy. So. I'm going to write more now that I don't have the headcannon to worry about. Suggestions are wide open. I have not alot of creativity when I actually sleep so. Thanks for the reads!
Byyyyeeee!