Bullshit, it was all bullshit.

my addiction

What hurt the most was the fact Layla was supposed to be one of my best friends. When she first became a diva none of the other girls in the locker room even wanted to know her. But I thought what the hell and asked her to join me and my other girlfriends for dinner. My other friends being; Maryse Ouellet a French Canadian glamour model turned Diva, Amy Dumas better known as Lita, Trish Stratus, Mickie James, Kelly Kelly, Eve and Melina. Even though sometimes the girls fight each other but we were all close to each other because we travelled and roomed together. We also knew that we had each other’s backs. To be honesty at first the girls didn’t want anything to do with Layla because we were all a little cautions of her as a new comer because we thought she wanted to use us to get to the top even me myself thought that to begin with but pushed it away. Especially Maryse, Lita, and Trish it was kinda odd because the three of them don’t usually agree or judge people that quickly. Not that they were wrong. Well lesson learned I wasn’t going to blindly trust anybody anymore. Thank you, Layla. After having dinner with her, I invited her out with us when we went out because I thought that if it was me that was new and joining the roster I would have liked to be invited and get to know the others I worked with. Maryse, Lita, and Trish didn’t like it one bit and kept warning us but me, Mickie, Kelly and Eve kept laughing it off but after a while Melina too thought that we should stay away from her. Oh well, just another great example of my fabulous judgement. 

Even thought my friends didn’t like Randy they wanted me to be happy and after warning me they didn’t interfere or try to put me off. They stood by me and the fact that I loved Randy because they loved me and wanted me to be happy. This was also because I just happened to come out of a traumatic relationship that ended up with my ex being killed. My friends including Layla listen to my accounts about my dates with Randy, giggled like school girls when I told them about sweet gestures or presents that he gave me, they also awed when he sent me romantic texts when we weren’t together. He was such a gentleman, a lovely and perfect boyfriend aside from the little staying faithful problem. Note the sarcasm. And Layla was a good friend she was always there for me like my other friends that I had known for years. Not only did I lose a boyfriend that I loved very much (well still love, not that I would ever admit it) I also lost a very good friend. But I also learned not to trust blindly anymore.            

So today I’m back because my father wants me to come back and help. I think it’s because he doesn’t want me to stay at home anymore but doesn’t want to say ‘get out’. As much as I love my family they think that I’m fragile and will break so they all (aside from Steph, and Hunter don’t treat me as a fragile and breakable doll) treat me as a child. But I know they just want what’s best for me even when I’m too stubborn to see it. I know that coming back is the first step of letting go and moving on. I want to move on and let Randy Orton go and all memorise of him too. Even though I haven’t seen him in a year he still has this hold over me and all I want to do is run up to him put my arms around him and beg him to take me back. I need him. Randy Orton is my addiction. Randy Orton is my drug. My choice of poison that is going to kill me slowly and painfully if I don’t do anything about it.