The Price To Pay

Falling Apart

^^^swipe right to possibly cry while reading this^^^ (the song alone makes me cry lmao)

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I'm currently running through the hallways of the town hospital, everything in slow motion, with nothing but adrenaline running through my veins. Nothing but adrenaline giving me the strength to run into that hospital room to see what I already know.

I slam the door open to find my whole family standing around the only person who'd ever loved me fully. Each and every one of them gripping on to her arm or hand like their last bit of hope. Too bad she was mine.

They just looked up at me and are starting to walk out to give us some privacy before she goes on without me. "Mom, don't leave me," I say, not even trying to hold back my pain. "I will always be with you Ashlee, always, no matter how far away I am," she slowly whispers out with one of her very last breaths. "I'm gonna miss you mom," I say with tears covering my whole face and running down my neck like someone just dumped a bucket full of water on me. "It's gonna be ok honey, just please watch out for them. I'll be watching out for you." She whispered that too as she slipped away, but now she can't whisper at all, she's gone, forever. I can't stop the tears as I lean over to give her one last hug. "I promise I will mom. I love you...so much." I had to choke out that last part, but I can't take this, I have to go home.

I run right back out that hospital room just as I ran in and nobody tries to go after me, they just shuffle slowly into the room. They all just look so dead though, like life is over. How can they feel that way, they have each other, they have a family, they have love. I'm alone, so alone. Broken, and alone, definitely a not so good combination.

People are looking at me like i'm a maniac as I drive home with my hair in one giant knot, probably snot on my face, tears everywhere, and eyes more red and puffy than a marijuana addict. Maybe I do look like a maniac. I feel like a maniac.

I turn on the radio to possibly drown out some of the sounds of my loss. It's most definitely not helping, their playing the song my mom always sings with me. Or used to sing with me. If I Die Young, which suits this situation perfectly, she was just 48. Too young to die.

I'm pulling into the driveway of the house and their is something different here, and not the presence of death, at least not that kind of death, if you know what I mean. It smells like hatred, torture, and rotten, rotten blood. I'm just not in the mood to pay attention or find whatever nasty thing is causing that smell. I'm walking in the house and trying my hardest to ignore that disgusting, strong stench, it's so hard but I'm still going to ignore it, couldn't be anything worse then what just happened.

I start opening my bedroom door and I think I just about had a heart attack. (ok bad choice of words) Standing right next to my dresser and bed is Carly and her boyfriend Brodie, and, Erika and her boyfriend Conor. I look like an actual piece of s*** and they all look like they just walked out of a freaking fashion show. "Oh baby how are you," says Carly in definitely the most sympathetic tone ever. Don't get me wrong, it's sweet that they care but I don't like sympathy, I don't need it, I don't want it.

"I'm pretty good," I lied, "as good as I can be after loosing my mother." "Oh come here," says Erika while both her and Carly come over and give me a big, literally breath taking hug. "God Ashlee, this is so sad, if there is anything any of us can do to help just call any of us." Says Conor while Brodie nods in agreement and says, "Yep, anytime munchkin." That would be the great nickname of your friend being 6'11 and you being 5'9. Greaaaaat. "Thank you guys, for everything. I just think I need some time alone for now though, but I promise i'll call soon." "Ok, feel better hun," says Erika. "Oh and we left some ice cream in the fridge and extra tissues in the top dresser drawer," screams Carly on her way out the door.