INSULTING SPANDAM - One Piece RageFic

The Fourth Insult

The sound of metallic objects being thrown at other metallic objects was the first thing I heard when I went to insult him again. The sounds echoed through the dungeon and I rolled my eyes.

"Hello again," I said.

Spandam acted like he hadn't been throwing metallic objects at the bars just now, and he greeted me.

"Hello. Have you come to make fun of me again?"

"Let's save that for another day," I lied. "I just came here to say that... You know, every time I look at you, I just feel... breathless."

He squinted his eyes. "You what?"

"It's true," I said, "It's because I don't want to be breathing in the same air as a talking corpse!"

"AYCK!"

He fell to the ground, his eyes rolling back into his head. He lay there for three seconds, then he jumped up again.

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW RUDE THAT WAS?!?! THIS IS JUST MY FACE!!"

"Yes, and your face is the face of a corpse," I responded. "I already told you you were rotting, didn't I?"

"YOU'RE CROSSING THE LINE HERE!!"

He breathed in and out slowly to try and calm himself down.

"Okay, okay," he said after the fury in his eyes had disappeared. "Now that you're finished with your insult, I have something to ask you."

I frowned. "What is it?"

"The world," he said. "The outside world. I need to know what's going on out there. Have the criminals been caught? Is Nico Robin dead? Please tell me Nico Robin is dead."

"That woman is very much alive," I said. "Alive and well. She's with her friends again. They saved her and destroyed every member of CP9."

He was quiet as his mouth fell open in disbelief.

"It... It can't be," he said. "That's impossible! Stop lying to me, you bitch!"

My eye twitched at that word.

"I'm not lying," I said. "I've listened to the news. I've looked at several newspapers."

"Is this some kind of joke?!" he said. "You know damn well that's impossible!"

"So you would prefer to be blind to the truth," I shrugged. "That's your choice, not mine. But don't say I didn't keep you informed."

"The members of CP9," he continued with a harsh voice, apparantly ignoring what I said, "are invincible. They have Rob Lucci with them, the strongest member of all!"

"Yes, about that," I said, "he's dead."

"WHAT, DO YOU REALLY THINK I BELIEVE--"

"I have the newspapers, right here," I said as I took out the pages containing the latest news. "I know you don't want the truth, but--"

"Give it here!" he demanded. "Give them to me right now!!"

I shrugged and walked towards his cell, staying on my guard. I carefully kept my distance and handed the newspapers over to him. He reached out through the bars and snatched them away from me, aggressively starting to read the articles.

His eyes grew more furious by the second. He read everything about the destruction of Ennies Lobby, about the defeat of CP9, and about the pirates' grand escape. I expected him to start screaming again, to tear the pages apart in anger.

But to my surprise, he slowly let go of the papers and stared blankly ahead.

"It... It can't be," he said. "The pirates... but HOW...?"

"You underestimated them, I suppose," I said.

"But that shrimpy boy," Spandam stuttered, referring to Luffy. "How can a boy like him be strong enough to defeat a monster like Lucci?"

"I think you don't understand who that 'shrimpy boy' actually is," I said. "Let me share with you an interesting fact. Have you ever heard of the revolutionary named Dragon?"

Spandam's eyes widened a bit.

"Of course I have," he said. "That's the man who stands against the World Government as perhaps its greatest threat. Everyone knows him!"

"Then I suppose you are not aware of the fact," I said, "that Dragon is Monkey D. Luffy's father."

Oh, so this was how to silence him. His mouth fell open and his eyes almost popped out of their sockets. This was it, the face of ultimate shock. He tried to speak, but he was too shocked. After a few tries, I could at last make out a couple of words.

"Are... you... saying that..."

I could see he started to shake a little.

"Are you seriously saying that Dragon's son started a war against the World Government under MY watch?!"

"I wouldn't say he's the one who started it," I said. "The second you took their friend away and refused to give her back, the war began."

Spandam's face twitched.

"Well," I said with a sigh, "I should be going. See you tomorrow."

I turned around.

"Wait a second!" he called out. "The fridge is empty!"

I frowned and faced him again.

"Empty?" I said in surprise. "You've only been in here for three or four days. The food in there should have been enough for at least a week!"

"For YOU maybe," he snapped, "but I'm a man who needs huge amounts of food to survive!"

I looked at his... not exactly muscular body and I shrugged.

"If you say so," I mumbled. "I'll bring you some food tomorrow. And make sure to look forward to the next burn!"

He cursed under his breath as I left.