Terrible Short Story Things!

Shower thoughts

Showers. 

What a marvelous thing they are.

To some people that is. But as I sit on the shower floor, I remember why showers seem to me more like a night time thing. I remember why I love the rain, yet hate water. I remember things I try to forget. I slowly curl my legs up so there crossed and I let my hands cradle my knees. 

  I sat in silence, with nothing but the sound of swirling columns and water spinning. I already knew what was going to happen. I sensed it from a mile away. They always seemed to believe that when I was in the shower I couldn't hear anything. But I always heard. 

 I always heard the arguing and the whimpering of the puppy. I could imagine the puppy covering his ears with his paws as he whimpered. I could imagine my one sister clenching her fist angrily as she yelled at my other sister. They didn't want me to know a lot of things. And yet I found them out anyway. They didn't want me to know that there business was failing, that we're slowly going broke, or that our family was falling apart.

  I covered my ears as the yelling got louder as they walked past the bathroom. I stared at the water spinning down the silver hole and draining into the dark abyss. The water may have been calming...but I had always always loved the wind. Wind travels everywhere. Wind is free. Wind is not confined to it's roots, or the oceans, lakes, streams, candles, or anywhere else that fire, water, and earth is confined to.

  I cautiously lifted my hands from my ears, the yelling hadn't stopped but it had gotten quieter. I turned the knob a little bit more to the left to make the water hotter. Just like my thoughts the water was still drifting down the drain and into the dark abyss.  The water is like my tormented thoughts that are mindlessly meandering into the dark round rabbit hole.

  And instead of fighting back. Instead of trying to stop it, I let it happen. And as my jaw drips hot droplets of water; I ask myself one question.

Are they tears or just the waterfall above me because at this moment it stings all the same. It all hurts. The steaming hot water hitting my body stung. But at the same time, the tears drifting down my cheeks, that may have just been water, stung my eyes as they escaped. Everything hurts, but there was no way that I could think of to make the pain stop. 

  There was no way to stop the emotional pain. Nor was there a way to stop my mind from becoming even more twisted and dark. So I lived with it. And I will keep living with it. And maybe one day I'll gain enough courage to say fuck it and act on my instincts and my thoughts.