Girls Next Door- Hamilton Modern AU

Fourteen: Words Out

I stood there shocked just staring. No words came from my mouth, I didn't know what to say. I didn't see or hear Herc or Lafayette around anywhere- just John. Alex stood behind me but once he realized how shocked I was, he cane over and stood in front of me.

"Why are you awake?" Alex asked.
"Alex I haven't slept sense Peggy left us, you KNOW that," John instantly replied.

He can't sleep without me?

"Peggy you've been gone for so long and nobody knew where you were. Where the hell were you? You had us worried sick-"
"Maybe this isn't the time to yell at her," Alex interfered. "I found her walking the streets. She's had a rough week, John. Give her some space. Give her some time."
"Alex I get that, but I need to hear her. I need to hold her and know she's okay," John responded.
"You're not fucking touching me," I snapped.

Silence filled the room for a moment.

"I'm begging you. Just hear me out, let me get my words out. You have to listen and you have to come home," John begged.
"You're the reason I got kicked out of my home," I replied. "If I left you when my sisters warned me, I would be home with them right now, not roaming the streets at three in the morning wondering where I'd end up. YOU did this to me."
"If you just listened to me you'd understand. If you just LISTENED everything would be okay. So, either continue to argue with me and I'll leave you alone. Or just talk to me and listen and we can fix everything," John responded.

More silence filled the room. Nobody knew what to say, including me. I wanted to just leave the house and go back to the streets, but at this point, I had nowhere to go. Angelica hates me, John cheated on me, and there is not any excuse Aaron or Thomas could give me that would convince me to go back.

"Peggy, you want me to leave you alone?" Alex asked without breaking eye contact between him and John.

I took a deep breath. "You got five minutes."

Alex nodded, and headed off into his room, but he left his door open a crack just incase. Alex was the protective brother I always wanted. As soon as he disappeared, John sat down on the sofa and waited for me. I walked over slowly and sat across from him, keeping a good amount of distance.

John looked horrible. He had bags under his eyes, his eyes were red- either from crying or smoking-, his hair was a mess and he looked overall fatigued. He stared at me for a moment, I watched him glimpse at my lips twice before looking me again in the eyes. He wanted to kiss me. I wanted to kiss him. But I knew better.

"You going to talk to me or just stare at me?" I finally asked.
She shook his head. "In all honesty I could stare at you for the rest of the night."
"I'm not here to stare at you I'm here to talk. You have four minutes," I snapped.
"Right. Okay. In all honesty- this is just wrong place and wrong time. Maria is my ex girlfriend who I ended up breaking up with because she was cheating-"
"Funny."
"Shush. Anyways, she was sleeping around with other guys so I broke it off. After I saw you that night, there was a heavy pounding at the door and I thought it was you. It was Maria. She was crying, her makeup was running down her face, she looked pathetic. She told me her boyfriend had been beating her and cheating her and mistreating her. And I fell for it.

I let her inside and offered her a place to sleep. I showed her where she could sleep and I turned around to get her clothes and when I turned around again, she was standing there perfectly fine in a bra and panties. She pushed herself onto me and whenever I backed away, she followed me. I know it's hard to believe but you can ask anyone in this town- Maria uses sex to get whatever she wants."
"You're right." I said, his face lit up. "It is a hard story to believe. You mean to tell me that a girl came to your house and got naked and you weren't even tempted to sleep with her?"
"Whoa- why are you blaming me? Why aren't you mad at Maria for coming onto me?" John asked.
"Because she's you're ex. I shouldn't have to worry about her. If she comes onto you, you push her away. You get away. If she does anything you kick her out. I get you're trying to be nice but if you really did love me you would have kicked her out as soon as you turned around. I shouldn't have to worry about your ex's actions, I need to worry about how you respond to her actions."

John opened his mouth to say something but shut it. He took a deep breathe and looked away, before looking me again in the eyes.

"Peggy I really do love you." He finally said. "I love you. I love you. I love you- I'll say it one million times if that's what it takes to get you to believe me. I want
you to be different, I want us to last. I want us to grow old and have kids and be happy together. I want you to let me in and show me your world and your thoughts and what you want. You will always come first in my book. Always. Because I love you. I wouldn't risk everything I have for you and all these feelings I have for some random girl that wanted a one night stand. I wouldn't risk giving up everything I worked for and everything I love just for her. Why would I focus on the moon when all the stars in the galaxy are sitting in front of me?"

I watched John's eyes get watery. The green in his eyes became bolder and the redness began to come on stronger. He was crying. He was feeling. And I knew he meant what he said.

"Dammit." I said as I looked away and wiped my eyes. "Dammit. Dammit. Dammit, John- why do you have to do this to me?" I asked while smiling with ears building up in my eyes.

John pulled me closer. "Because I love you."