Hope and Faith

FOURTEEN: HOPE

The days passed like waves washing into the shore. Slow, methodical, and just like everything else in Hope's life, constant.

She enjoyed camp. She more than enjoyed it. It was the one thing that she could wake up in the morning and look forward to. It gave her life a sense of purpose, something she often struggled with. But despite this love and adoration she had for camp counselling and helping those in need, Hope couldn't subside this feeling of monotony and repetition.

Ever since her talk with Matthew at the lake the week before, Hope had a growing sense of unease in her stomach. She wanted to believe that talking to the love of her life about her concerns would provide her with some sort of reprieve. But alas, it did not. In fact, talking to him might have made things worse. It was as though Matthew saw life through a looking glass, and he only focused on what he wanted to see. His life was this tight cylinder in which everyone resided in. Hope was there, at the end of that looking glass. But there wasn't much room for speculation or suggestion. He knew what he wanted in life. He had his goals and ambitions. He was so sure of himself, sure of everything he would do and accomplish. And then there was Hope, feeling stagnant and abandoned by her own mind.

She questioned why she was feeling this way. She was sixteen-turning-seventeen. Perhaps she was just hormonal. Or perhaps it was a mid-life crisis of sorts. Everyone experienced those. A teenage crisis; that moment when you realize you do not have a single clue what you're doing with your life and become extremely paranoid and anxious about everything around you. Normal, probably. She decided not to let it bother her. She shouldn't dwell on the negative. Rather, she would look to the light.

Although, what Hope did not know at the time was that before you can see the light, you must first deal with the darkness.

______

It was Sunday afternoon and she was sitting in Peyton's backyard, Lorelei, Corral, and Daisy next to her. Peyton's brother and his friend were jumping on the trampoline, yelling and laughing at each other. Peyton's mother came out holding a tray with glasses of orange juice.

Corral was droning on about her and Johnny Morris. They had went on a date last Wednesday, and he was taking her out again tomorrow evening. It was sweet seeing Corral this star-struck and exasperated over a boy. Although, it wouldn't be the first time, and Hope couldn't quite understand how she did this routine repeatedly.

Lorelei was visibly quiet, which if you knew Lorelei, you'd know this was not a good sign. But if you knew Lorelei, you would also know that she would not talk about something that was bothering her unless someone else brought it up. It was like pulling teeth. She would get in these moods, quiet and distant, and she'd remain that way indefinitely, waiting until someone asked her, "is something the matter?" Hope didn't enjoy playing into this little game of hers. It was a ploy for attention, of course. But Hope also didn't want to sit there withstanding the unbearable screaming silence of Lorelei Adams.

Finally, she caved. "What's wrong, Lor?"
"Nothing," Lorelei looked away.
The other girls noticed then as well. "Are you okay?" Daisy asked. "You look a bit white."
"I'm fine, really," Lorelei insisted.
"It's Elijah, isn't it?" Peyton said.
It was at those words that Lorelei began to cry. That was when Hope began to take her sulking seriously.
They all scooted closer to her, Peyton wrapping her arms around her friend. "What's the matter? Did you two have a fight?"
Lorelei quietly sobbed into Peyton's shoulder, then pulled away and faced the girls. "We're over."
"What?" they said in unison.
Lorelei nodded. "And you're not going to believe why."
"What did he do?" Corral asked. Because obviously it had to have been his fault. Never Lorelei's.
But in this case, Corral was right.
Lorelei sniffled. "He's been seeing Missy Arbour."
"No way."
"Get out!"
"That little skank."
"When did you find out?" Hope asked, a deep look of sympathy in her eyes.
"Yesterday," Lorelei said. "He had been acting a bit strange lately. Didn't seem as into me as he usually is. I knew something was wrong then. And when I confronted him, he just caved and told me."
"That little bastard," Peyton said, consoling her friend.
"He apologized profusely," Lorelei explained. "Said that he was so sorry, and he never meant to hurt me. Said he liked both me and Missy. I said, bullshit. Choose one or the other."
"Good for you!" Daisy said.
"So who did he choose?" Corral asked.
"He didn't. He said he wouldn't choose."
"So then what happened?"
"I chose for him. I left."
It was quiet for a moment, each of them taking in this information. Then Peyton said, "You don't need that in your life, Lor. He's a dick. I'm glad you got out while you still had time."
"You mean, before I fell in love with him?"
"Well, yes."
"Who said I'm not in love with him now?"
"No," Daisy said. "No, you can't possibly love him. It's too soon!"
"You don't know what it was like!" Lorelei cried. "He was my first!"
This is why you don't have sex before marriage, Hope thought, but remained silent. All of this was too fascinating for her to interrupt.
"Lor," Peyton held her tighter. "I'm so sorry. Boys truly are terrible. Aren't they girls?"
"They are," Daisy remarked. "Just sons of the devil."
Hope shuddered.

______

It was after dinner when Hope's mother called her into the kitchen. Both of her parents sat at the table, their cups of tea in front of them.

"Have a seat," Joana said to her daughter.
"What happened?" she asked, knowing all too well that there was something amiss.
"It's Felicity's grandfather, Benjamin. He's had a heart attack and is in the hospital."
Hope stood there, stunned at the deliverance of this news. "Is he going to be alright?"
"We're not sure," Gabriel said. "The doctors are keeping a close eye on him for now. He'll have to stay there for quite some time, they predict."
"How is Felicity? And her parents?"
"They're not doing well," Joana said. "Understandably. They're staying in Newmarket until they have more information. At least they'll be close to the hospital."
"This is so terrible," Hope said. "And he's young, too."
"Seventy-three," Gabriel said. "Perfectly healthy. And then this."
"No one knows what could have caused it," Joana said. "Sometimes things like this just... happen."
"We will pray for him tonight," Hope said. "I will not rest until he is okay."
"That's very sweet of you, Hope," her mother said. "The reason I called you in here is because Felicity will not be at camp this week. You can take over her duties, yes?"
"Of course," Hope said without hesitation. "Anything I can do to help."
"Thank you, Hope. I will let her know."

Hope found herself lying in bed that night, struck with the feeling of dread and tragedy. She had went through her nightly routine, but lacked the motivation to write in her journal. Instead, she recited her prayer, then prayed continuously for Benjamin to get better.

First was the news of Lorelei's heartbreak. Then Felicity's grandfather. Hope was not used to dilemmas such as these. And all of this was happening on top of her own life crisis. This feeling of anxiety and doubt in herself. Of mediocracy and inadequacy. It was as though the world she had worked so hard to construct was tumbling right before her eyes. She watched carefully as each brick fell away, rolling to the side, departing from everything she once knew. She recognized how overdramatic that sounded, but Hope Chamberlain was not used to this. Everything in her life for as long as she could remember had been perfectly crafted and structured. No glitches or blemishes. No problems or tragedy. So while to any ordinary person, a breakup, a heart attack, and some self-doubt might have seemed average, to Hope, it was everything but.