oneshots ; gawsten

"don't you love me?"

these have all been geoff's pov so far um. whoops.

5. "Don't you love me?"

"I'm not doing it."

"Baby-"

"I'm not."

"Aws-"

"No!" Awsten shouts. His eyes are wild. His hair is sticking out in clumps from how hard he's been pulling on it. There are tears on his pink cheeks and the skin below his eyes is turning red. "You don't get to do that! You don't get to call me baby and act like this is okay!"

Geoff closes his eyes. He inhales. Awsten goes on ranting. He stops listening. He rubs a hand over his face and stands, walking over to where Awsten is pacing right in front of the back door. He grips his wrists and forces him to stand still. Awsten glares at him, trying (and failing) to yank his arms back. "Stop fighting me."

"Get the fuck off me!" Awsten yells. "Leave me alone!"

Standing so close to Awsten allows Geoff to really get a good look at his face. Everything he was seeing, the messy hair and wild eyes and swollen skin, is much more prominent up close. There are dark purple bruises under both his eyes because he's apparently forgotten what sleep is. His beard is growing out because he hasn't shaved in over a week. "Stop," he repeats, tightening his hold on Awsten's wrists. "Listen to me."

Awsten pointedly looks away. Geoff bites back a reaction. There are days he wishes he wasn't dating the most stubborn human being to walk the face of this Earth, and today is high on the list. "I want you to get better, love. I want you to feel okay again. This is the first step. I'm doing it because I love you, not because I want to hurt you. Seeing you hurt hurts me. So please, can you think about it? Just consider it. For me."

"I don't live my life for you."

Geoff squeezes his eyes shut and lets go of Awsten's wrists to pinch the bridge of his nose. It's taking every ounce of resolve he has not to yell at Awsten. Awsten needs to calm down and he won't if someone starts yelling back at him, but he's making it so hard to resist. "Please, Aws. Think for a second. Why would I wanna hurt you? I only wanna see you happy baby, that's all I'll ever want."

Awsten's face changes. Geoff watches the anger dissolve, run down his cheeks like a melted mask. His gaze falls to the ground. Geoff bites his lip. Did he finally strike a chord? Is this progress? Will Awsten actually listen to him for once?

They stand in silence for a good five minutes. Geoff waits for Awsten to say something, anything, but he just keeps staring at the ground, unmoving. Geoff's heart is starting to beat faster. "Aws?"

"Don't you love me?" Awsten looks back up at him. His eyes are teary and his cheeks are redder than ever, shiny with tear tracks. His lip is wobbling dangerously.

Geoff swallows. His heart is racing. His stomach is churning. His head is pulsing rapidly, pain circulating to every part of his body. It's like a body of water enveloping every dry piece of land. Nowhere is safe. "Awsten..."

"Please don't make me do this Gee please I'll do anything else whatever you want just please don't make me do this I thought you loved me." Awsten's words tumble out in a rush. He barely hears all of them. He's rambling, bordering on incoherent, hands raised in a pleading gesture.

"Awsten Constantine Knight," Geoff says. He takes a step forward and rests his hands on Awsten's hips, pulling him in close so he can look him in the eye. "I love you. With everything in my heart, I love you. Sometimes it scares me just how much I love you because I didn't think it was possible for people to love this hard. But then I look at you and I think about how lucky I am because anyone could love you like this and you picked me and I still don't get why." He takes a breath. "This...getting you help...it's not because I want to punish you or think you're damaged or am gonna leave if you don't do it. And it's definitely not because I don't love you because I will love you just as hard even if you don't go." He sighs. "Aws, I want you to go to therapy because I love you, because you deserve to be happy and not hurt so bad all the time and I hate seeing the person I love, more than anything in this world, be so sad and hate himself so much."

Awsten doesn't reply.

...

"Fuck."

"I'm not ready."

"Can we go back home?"

"We can do this tomorrow."

"I'll be ready then."

"I can't- I don't think I can do this, Gee."

Geoff takes one hand off the steering wheel and reaches for one of Awsten's. It's shaking, just like the rest of him. He winces as he brings it to his lips, swiveling the wheel all the way to the right and putting the car into park once he pulls into a space. He unbuckles his seatbelt and turns to face Awsten with a smile, holding his hand in both of his.

"It's gonna be fine, okay?" He says. "You're gonna be fine, I promise. I wouldn't have brought you here if I didn't think it would help you, angel."

"I'm scared." Awsten's voice is so small.

"I know," Geoff replies. He intertwines their fingers and squeezes Awsten's hand. "And that's okay. But I promise you'll be okay. And you know me. I don't break my promises."

"Will you come in with me?"

"I'll be there every step of the way love," Geoff tells him. "Maybe not in the room with her because then you won't say what's really on your mind and I want this to be good for you. I want this to help. You deserve that. You deserve happiness, angel. You have my love and all the happiness I can give you but you deserve happiness from you, too. And this is how you'll get it."

"I love you," Awsten chokes out. Geoff can hear the tears in his voice. "I'm sorry."

"Stop it," Geoff mutters. He leans over the center console and kisses him. "I love you too. And you're gonna be okay."

"Promise?"

"I promise." Geoff smiles. "And I don't break my promises."