oneshots ; gawsten

"you meant too much to me."

i am so sick rn this literally took me all day to write i feel like death and i still kinda hate it whoops i'm sorry if it's not up to par with my usual writing once again i'm sick as hell

9. "You meant too much to me."

"Hey, where's Knight?"

"He's not here today."

"Really?"

"Maybe he finally killed himself."

"If fuckin' only."

"What?"

"Wigington wouldn't be here if the twink shot himself."

Geoff grits his teeth. He digs his fingernails into his palms, further and further until the skin starts to break. He squeezes his eyes shut and tries to breathe, tries to remember they just wanna reaction, Geoff. Don't give them one. I don't care what they say about me. About us. We're beautiful and their garbage opinions don't change that.

"He'd probably kill himself too."

"The Romeo and Juliet story no one gives a shit about."

He blinks. He feels hot. It feels like everything is red, wherever he looks, whatever he touches, it all feels red hot it's everywhere it's suffocating him hot and red hot and red hot and red he can't breathe.

No one talks about Awsten like that no one talks about his life his love his sun and stars his entire world like that no one talks about him like that noonenoonenoone.

He doesn't register what happens after that. It's like he's in a trance. It doesn't feel real.

He doesn't remember standing up and walking over to them he doesn't remember anything except the yelling and the crack of his knuckles and the pain the oh my god what did you just do you're so stupid what the fuck is wrong with you what is Awsten gonna say oh my god.

What is Awsten gonna say.

...

"What the hell did you do?"

Geoff lifts his head with a wince. He brings his bandaged hand to his chest and pulls his lip in with his teeth. Awsten's yelling could be heard from down the hall, where the fuck is my boyfriend I don't care about your shitty ass rules take me to him I need to see him right fucking now I'm fucking serious where is he I need to see him, raspy and hoarse. He brings his shoulders closer into his body and drops his gaze to the floor. Awsten stayed home because he was sick, to avoid stress. This is exactly what he doesn't need right now.

Awsten's cheeks are pink and the skin around his nose is red. His hair is messy and he's wearing his glasses. Even so, Geoff can see that his eyes are bloodshot and inked with purple.

Awsten takes a few steps forward until he's standing directly in front of him. He inches even closer, letting his hip brush against Geoff's knee. "Can- Can I?"

Geoff swallows and stretches out his hand. His teeth sink further into his lip as Awsten turns his hand over in both of his. He doesn't speak for a while. And when he finally does, the "why?" is barely audible.

"They were just." He pauses. Tears are beginning to form a shield over his eyes. It's like droplets on a penny, how many will his eyes hold before the dam bursts and he's just openly sobbing. "The things they were sayin' about you," he says thickly. He tugs his arm back and reaches for Awsten's hands. "I couldn't- couldn't let them get away with that. You meant too much to me."

"I don't care what they were saying about me." Awsten's voice sounds firm with a hint of softness, gentle, but still trying to make a point. "I care about you, Geoff. And you didn't have to break your knuckle over people who don't mean shit."

"I can't." That's the breaking point. Tears start to pour down his cheeks, dripping down his chin and clinging to his neck. He pulls his hands away from Awsten and uses his good one to cover his face. The skin gets quickly saturated with liquid and starts to slip off. "I-I-"

"Breathe." Awsten's voice sounds different. The slight husk is foreign. Geoff feels the exam bed give underneath him as Awsten climbs on. He leans into the arm Awsten wraps around his shoulders and presses into his side, pillowing his head on Awsten's shoulder with his eyes squeezed shut. "It's okay. You're okay. Everything's okay."

"God, I just." He rubs at his eyes helplessly. He turns to look at Awsten and reaches out with a clammy hand to cup his cheek. "You're the love of my life, Aws. You're my world. My other half. And when someone- when they say those things they just." He swallows again. The lump in his throat is throbbing. "It would've hurt less if they'd said them about me."

"I love you," Awsten says. "And I know you always wanna protect me, but...people are shitty, Gee. The world is shitty. It sucks. You can't protect me from everything and that's okay. You don't have to." Geoff watches as he lifts his bandaged hand again and brings it to his lips. "One day we'll be outta here livin' our dreams and they'll be working at gas stations and hatin' their lives. We'll come back for our reunion and laugh so hard. But we gotta make it outta here first." He sighs. "You can't hit every asshole that says something mean about me, Geoff."

"I know," Geoff mumbles. "But I wish I could. I'd do more than hit them."

"You have a broken knuckle and a sprained thumb and you'd do this again?"

Geoff slips out from under Awsten's arm and wraps his own arm around Awsten's shoulders, and pulls him into his chest. "For you, I'd do it a thousand times. And then some."

"I love you," Awsten murmurs. He lifts his head and Geoff leans in to kiss him. Awsten breaks the kiss after only a couple seconds, head flopping back down against Geoff's shoulder. 

Geoff brushes his lips against Awsten's forehead and winces. "You still have a fever, love."

"I feel like death," Awsten whines. "I take one day off and you get yourself in the hospital. Figures."

"Take a nap, angel." Geoff kisses his hair and tightens his arms around his shoulders. "I'll wake you when I get my discharge papers."

"Better not wake up to 'nother call 'bout you bein' in the hospital." Awsten's words are slurring together. He's already starting to fall asleep. Geoff smiles and adjusts his body, pulling him onto his lap so Awsten can pillow his head on his chest.

The pain in his hand has only increased with the moving around and constant contact, and it's going to be hell for the next few weeks, but this moment, holding his entire world in his arms...

This makes it worth it.