oneshots ; gawsten

lobotomy

i was reading a tumblr post about a solution for migraines and thought of this i do not understand my brain sometimes tbh

"I want a lobotomy."

"You know that wouldn't get rid of your headache, right?"

"S'not a headache, s'a god damn migraine," he grumbles, slamming his head on the countertop. "An' I don't fuckin' care. It hurts."

It feels like he's living a nightmare. White-hot stingers are exploding from his skull and piercing into his brain, like they're all doing the long jump and sending their sticks straight through. They push off and jump and land and it burns so bad. It's like fire it's a ball of white hot white hot white hot, shoved between his brain and his skull, forced in so tightly that it's being squeezed and sparks of pain are shooting out.

He woke up with it. His alarm went off too early and everything felt too loud and it's all been too much, all day. Geoff wanted to go on a Starbucks date – which, on a regular day would've confirmed him as marriage material, today made him feel sick. Stepping out into the sunlight had him cringing and staring pointedly at the ground because the sun's rays were every stinger combined and then multiplied by a million.

It's everywhere, gnawing at his nerves and sending every pain receptor haywire. It's surrounding, encapsulating, too big too heavy too much it hurts so bad he can't see he can't think all he wants to do is sleep it hurts it hurts it hurts.

Geoff chuckles. "Come here, love."

He groans, buries his head further in his arms and keeps his eyes tightly shut. Who the fuck is he to be laughing over this? His brain doesn't even feel like a brain anymore; it's just a soggy pile of mush that's basically on fire. Every glimpse at light feels like gasoline dousing his head, reigniting the dying flame and sending it burning all over again.

He doesn't want to experience that again he doesn't want to look up he doesn't want to see the light he just wants this to go away why won't it go away why is this happening to him why won't it go away it's been there all fucking day he's so tired of it he can't sleep it hurts to bad he wants to die why is this happening to him why.

Begrudgingly, he lifts his face off the countertop and squints as he stumbles over to the living room area. He follows the direction he heard Geoff's voice, keeps his eyes open only just enough to see what's in front of him so he doesn't fall flat on his face.

He feels a pair of hands grab his waist and Geoff pulls him onto his lap. Instantly, he turns to sit sideways and hide his face in Geoff's shoulder. The light burns all of it burns he needs dark.

"C'mon Aws, sit up straight for me."

"Nothin' 'bout me's straight," he mumbles, voice muffled by Geoff's body. He can't look up it's too bright it hurts too bad nonono.

"Awsten," Geoff chides. "Do you want your headache to go away?"

"I want you ta stop talkin'." He raises an arm to bat weakly at Geoff's other shoulder. "Hurts."

"Shut up and listen to me then," Geoff replies. He squeezes his eyes shut as Geoff turns him to face forward. Geoff wraps an arm around his waist and he screws up his face. Even with his eyes closed, he can still detect the light. It hurts he wants to puke he wants this to be gone why isn't this gone- "Arms up."

"Huh?" He chokes out, as Geoff helps him lift his arms up in the air. He realizes what's going on when Geoff hooks his fingers into the hem of his t-shirt and pulls it off. "What are you doing?"

"Shhh, you'll see." Geoff grips his shoulders and starts to press with his fingers. Awsten exhales, and lets his head flop down. He can't support it anymore it's too heavy he's too tired it hurts too bad. "Relax sunshine, alright?"

He doesn't know what Geoff is doing, but at the point, he doesn't care. Whatever home remedy or stupid myth he read off the internet will at least give him some temporary relief. He'll try anything.

"What the fuck- ow!" He hisses. Geoff presses against a particularly sore part of his back and he groans. "What the fuck was that for?"

"Hang on." Geoff trails his fingers down further and keeps pressing, adding more and more pressure the farther he goes. It's all sore, an ache adding to the fire in his head. He bites his lip. What the hell is Geoff doing what is this is this some kind of stupid internet miracle cure did he google this is he seriously trying a fucking googled home remedy on him what the-

"FUCK," He cries out. The pain reaches its climax. Geoff's fingers are still there, still pressing. It feels like forever what the fuck is this what's going on what the- "oh my god..." he moans. "That...fuck..."

It feels so good. The pain the touch created is dissolving quickly. His head is starting to clear it's not hurting anymore why isn't it hurting anymore what did Geoff do the pain is gone what did Geoff do it the fire is out what the fuck did Geoff do.

"I read something online." Geoff's voice is close to his ear. He tightens his arms around his waist and Awsten leans back into him. "They use this in acupuncture. It's a pressure point that relieves pain in the head. So I guess...it worked?"

He's not on fire anymore. Whatever Geoff did, acupuncture, pressure points, whatever bullshit that was, seems like magic. It was the water and the fire is out and his vision is clearing and he doesn't feel dizzy anymore and he can open his eyes, he can look around and blink and light doesn't hurt holy shit he's missed this.

He turns around on Geoff's lap, reaches up to wrap his arms around his neck and smashes their lips together. "That felt so fucking good I don't know what you did but oh my god..."

Geoff smiles and presses their foreheads together when they break the kiss. "I'm glad you're feeling better, sunshine. I think you should rest for today, though."

"M'still kinda tired," Awsten admits. "It's gone but m'so fuckin' exhausted now."

"Here." Geoff tightens the arm around his waist and moves them both to a lying down position on the couch. "I'll rub your shoulders for a bit. You try and sleep, okay? I know it's early but you need it."

"I need you," Awsten replies. "I love you so much."

He really does. Geoff makes him feel like no other, warm and safe, like there's a filter of glitter and fairy dust and soft pinks that he sees the world through. The sunshine is everywhere. He looks at Geoff and he sees it. He wakes up in their apartment and smiles at their dog and looks out their window and thinks back on his life and settles back into it. The sunshine is a home Geoff's made for him ever since they started dating and he never wants to leave.

"I love you too, sunshine," Geoff whispers. He feels him kiss the back of his neck and closes his eyes again, only this time, so he can lay here and let Geoff massage his back and rub his shoulders and take it all in, focus solely on Geoff's hands running all over his body and melt, because he has never wanted to be anywhere else.

Maybe he can delay the lobotomy just a bit longer.