oneshots ; gawsten

"can't you stay a little longer?"

hi i was talking to my friends and i had this idea and i've never written anything like this before

also the ending is kinda not great but it's almost 2am i'm so tired let me live

96. "can't you stay a little longer?"

It's warm.

He's half sitting up, half lying down, propped up on his elbows with his shoulders and upper back resting against Awsten's stomach. It's not the best position, really, because Geoff is stretched out behind Awsten, kissing all over his face and the back of his neck, and Awsten giggles every time, that laughter that sounds like wind gently rustling wind chimes. Every time he laughs his tummy vibrates and his knees curl up slightly.

He's been hit in the head almost five times in the past two minutes.

It doesn't bother him too much. The laughter spilling from Awsten's lips is a rare bird. The times it pokes its head up are few and far between, so when it does happen, it's in trickles of light peaking through the darkness, flowers just barely starting to sprout, a sliver of sunshine that needs to be guided and nurtured all the way up before it's gone forever.

And he does. He smiles when Awsten does, feels the sting in his cheeks from how hard he is. It's a wave of warmth that drapes over him like a blanket, the kind you can snuggle up and into after a long day and just close your eyes.

He knows what it took to get here.

He knows the late nights and 3 am phone calls and red eyes and fists slammed into walls, feeling like someone had torn his chest open like they were ripping a piece of paper, tearing it straight down the middle, the pieces falling to the bottom of his chest cavity and growing roots, sending the pain everywhere. It grew tendrils and stretched out to every crevice of his body until he was swimming and drowning and choking on mouthfuls of water because Awsten wasn't okay and he wasn't okay and the world wasn't okay nothing was okay everything was terrible why was it so terrible when would it stop he needed it to stop he needed to be okay again he needed Awsten to be okay again.

It feels like he is.

He watches him and Geoff together, sees how Geoff handles Awsten, the soft touches and lips against his ear and arms finding their home around his waist. He sees how gentle Geoff becomes, how patient and affectionate and loving he is, the smile that lights up his face and never seems to go away at the mere sight of Awsten. Awsten's existence makes Geoff smile.

He was nervous, at first. When Awsten called him at 3:52am that night, he was expecting more tears. More sobs and choked out words, more reasons he was going to have to convince him life was worth living and he'd eventually feel that without needing to be told. He was expecting the ache behind his eyes and the burn in his chest; he was expecting to have to be the person he always was, the person Awsten took comfort in.

And then he wasn't.

Awsten's voice sounded like what he imagines listening to the sun would. He's never heard him as happy as he was that night, tripping over himself to try and get all the words out, talking so fast he slurred half of them, stumbling and mumbling around to put into words how okay felt.

And he remembers feeling a sort of sinking feeling as his heart descended lower and lower into his chest. He remembers the ache that shouldn't have been there, the sting that shouldn't have existed, the burn of a pain he knew didn't belong.

Awsten was happy and he should've been happy for him.

Awsten is happy and he should be happy for him. He knows that. He knows.