Lady Eilean

Chapter 15

The week passed in a frenzy. A blur of movement and madness that left little room for thinking or feeling. It was all I could do to stay tethered to reality. I moved my hands and body through tasks as if action alone could keep me from sliding into an abyss of terror. I became my father's phantom, following him from sunup to sundown, eager to learn anything that might help me in his absence. He would offer me offhanded instructions, passing along a ledger or file that contained crucial information to Stormway and Ellesmure's dealings.

"Use this account book for the rents."

"This is the latest crop rotation, you shouldn't need it but just in case."

"You shouldn't need these, but here are the keys to the crypt. God, I haven't been down there since I was a boy."

It was all bewildering.

The morning they left — my parents, brothers, every battle-eligible man — I sat in the great hall in a stupor. The castle was desolate. Breakfasts sat half-eaten, forgotten on silver plates. Hastily left-behind favors from sweethearts and family members lay scattered amongst the benches. Gaudy, bright ribbons. Roughly hewn totems that would get swept up and discarded once the maids got around to cleaning. The servants were nowhere to be seen. After all, they had sent off their husbands and sons and brothers, too. Everyone remaining in the castle had retreated to their rooms in private grief. The sound of sniffling and wailing sighed through the castle like a bitter wind. A chorus to neutralize the ghostly quiet of the halls.

I was alone.

I tried and failed to remember the last words my father, mother, and brothers had said to me. Ian had hugged me, my arms hanging at my sides for a surprised minute before I held onto him with all my might, burrowing my face into his chest. Walther had gripped my hand and told me something urgent. His eyes had been bright and wild as he made me promise to... I couldn't remember. All I could recall was the clammy feel of his hands on my own. Rupert had roughly yanked me into his side and mussed my hair. He alone had laughed, he alone was jolly. My wild brother's enthusiasm never failing him. He had kissed the top of my head again and again and then told some bawdy joke as he jabbed an elbow into my ribs. If his barb was at his expense or mine, I had no memory of it.

I still did not understand why they had gone. Why this war was being fought. Life had been fine, right? We had everything we needed. Was it not enough?

There was movement in the doorway of the main hall, I looked up as Alex wandered in. His eyes scanned the empty room as he approached me. A grim, sorry look adorned his brow. He bit his bottom lip and refused to make eye contact with me. A tremor rumbled low in my gut and took root. Before long, my entire body was shaking. Something was wrong. Something else.

"Eilean," he started once he approached the head table. His voice was strained and hesitant. "I — I have to go."

I only blinked, scowling as his words ripped through my foggy thoughts. Their meaning was clear enough. He was abandoning me, too. Wasn't that what this was? My entire family gone? An alternative world had come into being. I was alone and my best friend was now my enemy who had to flee home to prepare to kill my brothers. Silent tears rolled down my cheeks. I couldn't feel anymore. I didn't want to. Terror that hurt like grief had taken root inside my chest. It throbbed with every heartbeat. An agonizing pulse.

"Please, don't," I offered him my pride in a small, powerless whisper.

Alex looked up at me. The anguish in his eyes added to the anguish in my heart.

"You promised," I pleaded. "You said you'd do anything —"

"To keep you safe, yes. I know. But Eilean, we're enemies now." He grabbed my hand and held it to his chest, pressing my fist over his heart. "Not here! Never here. But if word gets out that you're harboring a Mainlander... that could be very, very dangerous for you. Your position is vulnerable enough without my presence complicating things."