Can I go back to two years ago?
You know when I still cared about how I looked, and didn't just wear a baggy sweatshirts cause it was easy.
I wanna go back two years ago because it was the last time I can remember being happy, like happy happy. Now when I'm happy it's a brief moment, one that quickly disappears because the worries come back.
Two years ago, I had the energy to do things. Now I'm just tired.
Two years ago my biggest problem was if I didn't take my meds, now it's what am I doing with my life.
I had plans, I knew what I wanted to do. Now I'm lucky that I have a plan for the weekend, which nine times out of ten is watching Netflix. Fun right?
Two years ago I was still in Jacksonville. And even though I wasn't born there, it felt like home. I finally made myself a family.
I had probably the greatest best friend ever, someone I could tell all my secrets and desires to without the fear of secretly being judged. A best friend who played me sad music and tried to make me feel better when I got rejected by the guy I liked.
And yes I have friends where I am now. Great people who I couldn't be happier to call my friends. But my friendship with them doesn't feel the same as my friendship with those in Florida.
If someone were to ask me if I wanted to move back, I'd be quick to say yes. I made a home there. I practically grew up there. I made a family of people who genuinely cared about me.
And now all that is gone, and it simply sucks. I miss it, I miss it so much. Here is cool, everyone is welcoming and friendly, but it isn't the same. Here, well it's kinda like I'm on a break (Friends anyone?). I'm taking a break before heading to college, and this is where I chose to lay low. Recover, rest.
I just want to go back, go back to when things were simpler and I hadn't any major worries.
I know if should just keep moving forward, because that's what you're supposed to do, but I wanna go back. I want to go back because I was happy, but now...
Now and Here I'm just existing
