The diary of Ryan Ross // RYDEN //

• two •

Chapter by pastelpluto2o
Pain. It's a strange thing isn't it? when it's physical pain it fades as time passes, whereas mental pain seems to stick with you. Always shadowing you, and somehow, it hurts more. Unlike cutting your knee, it makes you feel weak. It makes you feel small, it makes you feel worthless.

And sometimes you need a sunlight to hide the shadow. It will never make it disappear forever, but shines down to cover it up for the time being. Unfortunately, I haven't found the thing that sends down bright rays to brighten me up, to lift my mood and make me feel needed. Instead, I live my life feeling shitty and flimsy.
Pete and spencer don't make matters better. While causing physical pain it adds onto the emotional pain to drain my happiness even more. Not to mention I'm failing all of my tests and my grades are slipping. Why me? Why not fucking rapists or murderers.

Me.

Anyway my day was even worse then yesterday. My nightmares are becoming more vivid and pete was angry about his ex or some shit. Dallon still didn't turn up at school for some reason, I've tried texting him but he just hasn't replied. Also the new kid is getting close to spencer which is worrying. I literally have no motivation to write in here anymore. I'll write in here tomorrow or something.