My Thoughts And Other Randomness

2/24/18

It's not fair. It makes me sick to my stomach... We talk on the phone and you make so many empty promises.. You say so much things.. And part of me wants to believe them. But it's you. I literally can't dream of you being at my graduation anymore. Or my wedding.. I can't imagine it. Because I know what the fuck you are doing and it's tearing me up inside. You asked me if I was okay and of course I smiled,nodded and said yes.. But no. That's not the truth. You are literally killing yourself and.. I can't deal with it. Its breaking me. I literally can't really talk about you without breaking down.. That's sad,Papa. You are drinking your fucking life away. You lost your son,mother,father and grandchild so close together.. And you use that as an excuse. I lost the uncle I was close to. I lost my Big Nanny and Big Papa... They meant so fucking much and I don't use it as an excuse. Last year I lost my great grandmother that lived with me,that might as well been my bestfriend. How the fuck is fair? Is isnt. None of this is fair. You can't use deaths of people you love to drink your life away. You lost them,but you have 4 other grandchildren other than me that are amazing, and yet you barley know them. That's sad. And why? Because of the drinking. When you found out about your liver sirosis,they have you 6 months to live. You didn't fucking stop drinking. You had a hangover today! And then we got back to your house and boom. You were drinking another beer. I've lost count of the months that's gone by... I can't keep up with it. It.. I cant.. I just wish you'd open your eyes and hear us out...

~Your GrandDaughter