My Thoughts And Other Randomness

To You.

This is me. This is me admitting defeat. Admitting that I won't ever be enough. No matter the amount of time nor effort I put into trying to be good enough. So I'm sorry.
  I'm sorry for all the pain I caused. For all the tears that your pillows caught because I caused them. I'm sorry for all the shit you ever went through because of me and my stupidity. I'm sorry.
  You'll never know my love for you. You'll never know the strength of my love for you. You'll never know how many times it has brought me back from such a bad place. You'll never know many times my mind has drifted to you in the midst of tears, and a small smile breaks out across my tear-stained face. You'll never know how many times I've went over in my head the day I would marry you. Ask you to marry me. You'll never know how times the thought of our future, our family has saved my life.
  I feel like all of it is crashing down around me. And that's my own fault. I'm at fault for that.
  You've saved my life many, many countless times. You've saved my sanity. But I think I've lost it. I think I've lost you. And when my only reason is gone before I could even reach out and understand, what's left? The shell of who I use to be. The fake smile that remembers the real one. The one I had with you. When a forced laugh is so dull, its missing the real one. The one you caused.
  I've woken up. I've realized that I won't ever be enough. You deserve so much better. You deserve the world and I cant give that to you. Nor can I be that for you. So, I am sincerely sorry.
  I love you. So much. More then either of us will know or understand. Just always remember that. And if you will...

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Remember me.