The Language I Spoke Yesterday

Rude: An Apple A Day

"That feels weird."

I didn't bother to look up. "You've said that three times now."

Andromeda hummed and tapped her feet in rhythm on the legs of the table. "Maybe it would feel less weird if I could see what you were doing."

"No. Eyes closed." I continued to carefully dissect the portion of nasal cavity I had removed from her face. "And please try to breathe with your mouth."

"Only because you asked so nicely.... What are you gonna do if I have to sneeze?"

I sighed. "Don't."

I couldn't find any physical reason why Andromeda didn't have a strong sense of smell. All three turbinate on both sides appeared to be healthy and developed. There was no swelling of the nasal cavity, and her cribriform plate appeared to have formed correctly.

She let out an irritated whine as I examined the plate more closely. "Staaaaaahhhhhhp..."

"What was that?" I raised an eyebrow at her, sitting half turned in the chair. My room only took up half the available space, stopping just behind Andromeda. Her eyebrows were drawn together, eyes shut tight. It was a little disturbing to see a hollow in the center of her face where her olfactory system had been. "I couldn't understand you."

"Staaahhhhp. It feels icky."

I ran one gloved finger over the cribriform plate, drawing a hard shudder from my subject. "This does?"

"Don't be a jerk!" she pouted. "Jeez, the first time you talk to me all week and all you wanna do is weird science-y shit with my nose. Rude."

"I could have done all of this already if you had been more forthcoming about your condition." I leaned on the back of the chair. I did feel a small amount of guilt for avoiding Andromeda, but it was the right thing to do. As long as she thought of me as the 'rude' captain of the ship, and nothing more, then things would be fine.

"And you haven't made a single 'got your nose' joke, either." Andromeda continued to pout. "I expected more from you."

Before I could really comprehend that she was complaining that I hadn't made any inane puns about her situation, her pout faded into practiced passive curiosity.

"What does the ocean smell like?"

I sighed. Here come the irrelevant and unnecessary questions. "Almost the way it tastes."

"That's disgusting. What about coffee? Or like... Roses. Or BEPO?" Andromeda's mouth and eyes fell open at the thought. All I could do was watch as her expression changed from excited wonder to shock, then disgust. Her face turned slightly green, eyes glued to the portion of her skull, laid open and pulsing on my desk. "I'm gonna be sick..."

"I did tell you."

/-/-/-/

I watched with fascination and concern as plastic apples were stacked and glued together around the inside of the door. We were quickly running out of the hot glue I picked up from the craft store, and the room smelled terrible.

"Um, Sweetie? What exactly are you doing?"

Andromeda turned slowly, apparently ignoring my question. "I think plastic apples will work. They're still apples. And I won't have to worry about them rotting."

"Okay." I nodded along as if I understood. It was cute how invested in this weird little project she had become, but she still hadn't told me what exactly it was for.

I didn't have to wonder for much longer. Captain stalked up the hallway, looking rather annoyed. Even for him. "Andromeda-ya, why are there plastic apples in my office?"