faith. hope. love.

part 2 chp 2; HOPE

Even after all the pain Hope had caused me, I still hoped that he'd stick around; maybe to keep doing what we were doing.

We're young, in high school, and living. Why not enjoy it? I know I was enjoying myself while fooling around with Hope.

Hope was the first person I ever got intimate with; unfortunately.

Why unfortunately?

Well, intimacy can mean many different things to many different people and it can be expressed in many different ways.

Intimacy is something that I personally take seriously; and to have been intimate with someone who no longer cares for you, is not a great feeling.

Hope and I fooled around for months. With each time being more fun than the last. I couldn't help myself, and neither could he.

Yet I couldn't hold my feelings back for Hope, even though it was just supposed to be a fun little fling.

Feelings developed; yet I couldn't speak any of them to Hope, until it was too late.

Just like that, after everything we'd done together, Hope threw me away like a piece of garbage.

Hope tossed me into the trash can and moved on to the next.

I don't know if he's done this before but, I sure as hell feel like he knew how I was going to take it.

Hope wasn't a kisser; every time I tried he pushed my lips back and said "no, not yet".

I assumed that this was because he wanted us to be serious before getting into anything like that. Yet at the same time there we were, in bed, fooling around doing all sorts of things, and yet he still didn't want to kiss me.

What was he afraid of?

Kissing?

Commitment..?

Or maybe he wasn't scared at all. Maybe he wanted me to believe that in time we could be something and that I may actually have a shot at kissing him?

I don't know.

I don't want to know.

I just hoped that things would either continue to move on, or go back to the way they were.

I hoped even harder this time.