Alex Lawther Imagines

"I just had to love my best friend."

Overwhelming. That's the exact word I'd use to describe how I felt every time I saw him. My heartbeat speeds up and a thin layer of sweat runs across my hairline. Every time my eyes met him my cheeks would flush red. And I hated it. I hated every single little bit of it.

The way he makes me feel invigorates me but sends me in a state of shame and embarrassment. I wanted to be with him. It was my forbidden desire. He's my best friend and I'm his. That's all it was, a friendly platonic relationship. I'd never want to ruin that.

•••

The two of us sat in the living room, binge watching Rick and Morty. The day had been horrid, the people in my school were absolute bitches and the work load was overwhelming. As soon as I'd gotten to Alex and I's shared flat, my body immediately pulled itself towards my bed, as if they were two magnets. The loud thump against the springs of my bed sounded throughout the apartment which probably caught Alex's attention, due to the fact that I could hear footsteps approaching my room.

"Whats wrong love?"
Everything and everyone.

"Nothing's wrong, I'm fine." I smiled. A smile, the best expression to mask ones feelings. The smile hid the dread of returning to school, the stress from the abounding amount of schoolwork, the derisory amount of respect given to students and most of all the abashment of the feelings I had towards Alex.

"Come on let's go." He strutted towards my bed, being excessively flamboyant in an attempt to lift my spirits. He lifted my body and slung me over his shoulder. His footsteps caused his entire body to shake, the vibrations rippling through my body.

He dropped me on the couch and threw a blanket over my body. The warmth and the kind act softened my coarse demeanour. He made his way to the pantry and the sound of crippling plastic come onto earshot. Alex returned and threw the Haribo gummy bears at me.

"Rick and Morty?"

"Rick and Morty."

We sat in silence, my legs resting on his lap as the tangible feeling of unease settled in our bodies. I was irritated, there was nothing more that I wanted to do than to hold onto him and show him how much he meant to me. I felt bad, I was being a moody and temperamental bitch to him, he didn't even do anything to me. I couldn't stand it anymore, I had to say something, the longer I were to hold onto it, the heavier it would get.

"Really Y/N...is everything okay, you can tell me anything." His hands made contact with my hair and he stroked it, making an effort to untangle the knots without causing pain

"No Alex. Everything isn't okay, I'm going fucking insane...and I-I don't know what to do!" I paused, regaining my posture and calming myself down. Be mature Y/N.

"It's just, I.....I like someone...a lot and this person makes me feel so happy and I feel like I can do whatever I want around him. But it can't be that way...because I know he's doesn't feel the same way. I'm trying to convince myself not to want him. I hate the fact that I had to meet him, because it's eating me from the inside out. I hate that he makes me feel this way. I want to forget everything about him, I've tried to move on, I tried forgetting about him but I can't. I wish I'd never met him, because if I hadn't I wouldn't feel like this. I know it sounds dramatic but it hurts...it pains me because I know I'll never be able to have him, to show him how much he means to me without him running off. 7 billion fucking people, out of all those people I just had to meet him, I just had to fall for him, I just had to love my best friend." I heaved and shook slightly as my frustration took control of me.

"Y/N...I-"

"No Alex don't- just forget that I'm sorry, fuck." It took all the courage in my body to swiftly stand up and to walk towards the door. What have I done? I messed up. I'd just ruined the most important relationship in my life. I rushed towards the hallway, threw on my jacket and grabbed my boots.

"Don't go." A light grip on my wrist pulled me back as I was about to put my second boot on.

"Wh-" I was silenced before I could protest with Alex. His lips moved against mine, I hadn't registered what was actually going on. I expected him to pull away but he didn't. He held me close with his arm wrapped around my waist and his other holding onto my wrist. I fell into the trap and I gave in. My lips mimicked his, all the built up emotions that I felt towards him was released as we made out in the middle of out hallway.

"I love you too Y/N."