Finding Faith

Seven

The number of perfection.

Isn't it amazing how God perfects every work that He starts in our life?

Just as I was ready to give up on faith, He threw signs at me that I never thought I'd see.

I'm so used to not seeing physical signs from God that when I get them I don't recognize them.

But these last two days, today is Sunday, God gave me such amazing signs, I had no choice but to accept them.

In my youth group at church, we go on many volunteering opportunities. We had one to a City of Dallas Levee Run this Saturday and I honestly just wasn't in the mood. This whole week, I've been snapping at people and just mentally unstable.

Friday night we had choir practice and Holy Communion at my church and I was completely out of it. I was just questioning my faith.

Am I an atheist? I asked myself. I didn't even believe in God's existence and was starting to accept it. All this time I had fought unbelief but at this moment, I gave up. I had accepted it.

I was defeated.

I sang in choir practice but didn't believe in the words. I heard the preacher's preaching, but didn't accept it. During praise and worship, I clapped maybe twice and barely sang at all.

My whole energy had changed all because I saw my situation as bigger than God. I didn't even believe in God at the moment so I didn't see the purpose in worshipping or praising God.

I was destroyed, just like the enemy wanted.

But that night I took communion and said to God, I give up. Just help me. My faith is small.

I still had small faith. Through all that unbelief and doubt, I still had a tiny ounce of faith. And God took that.

He saw my suffering and gave me a sign.

The next day was Saturday and we went for the volunteering I mentioned earlier. The night before, I had talked to one of my close friends about my struggle and was surprised to hear her say she was going through something similar and understood how I was feeling. My conversation with her was truly a blessing and I bless God for her. The conversation helped me feel a lot better.

So in the morning, I had slept off all the misery and was feeling a little better. But I still wanted to be angry.

Do you understand what it means to want to be angry ? I wanted to be angry, I wasn't ready to let go of my anger. Weird right ?

So any little thing anyone did to me pissed me off and I wanted them to know.

So yes, I was still suffering with the pain from the night before. Everything still was crashing down.

But God remembered my small faith from the night before.

As we drove to and from the volunteering I saw two signs. They both talked about Jesus and giving your life to Him.

I didn't think much about them but realized maybe God is trying to draw me back to Him.

Then that afternoon I was at CVS and was looking around. I then turned to my right and saw a stack of Christian books.

I still wasn't sure, but was starting to understand more and more that God is causing me to see Him everywhere.

Then today in service one of my "aunties" said aloud, "Don't give up on God."

Although that doubt is still there, I can't act like that was a coincidence. Because it wasn't.

God has something amazing He wants to do in my life and perhaps writing this book is part of it. He wasn't going to let me go because He knows the destiny I carry.

Back to the topic.

God perfects His work in the lives of those He loves. In the lives of those who walk by Him.

God had already started a good thing in my life and although this trial came, He wasn't going to let me go because He wasn't done perfecting that which He's doing in my life.

God haven't given up on you, brethren. Please do not give up on God.

God is calling out to you. He's drawing closer to you everyday. Let go of sin. Don't let doubt consume you. Keep on fighting.

God bless you and I pray anyone who is reading this, whether you're of another faith or trying to return back to Jesus or even were just looking for something to read, that your life is blessed and that His relationship with you is never broken.