I Still Love You|| Dean Winchester x Reader

Chapter Eight

Dean's leg bounced up and down rapidly, his entire body filled with anxiety and the worry that you'd never wake up.

When they had gotten you to the hospital, you were unconscious and your pulse was fading. The nurses had brought you back, not allowing the boys to go with you. So here they were, waiting for the doctor to come out with good news or the news of your death.

    "This is all my fault," Dean whispered. He dragged his hands down his face and rested his elbows on his knees. He couldn't imagine a world without you in it, even if you weren't in his life, he couldn't imagine you dead. Because after all these years, he still loved you. He hated himself for what he did, and to be honest, he wasn't sure why he did what he did, but it caused you to leave his life. The day you left, a piece of his heart shattered and broke away, you taking it with you. If you died, it would've been all your fault. You were here in this small town in Virginia because he broke your heart. You were here because he fucked up. You'd be dead because of his choices, and he knew that he wouldn't be able to live with that.

    Sam stayed silent. He wasn't sure how to comfort his brother when he was hurting as well. He watched with tear filled eyes as Dean mentally fought with himself. If you died, this would change his brother, and he wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to bring Dean back to himself.

    "Are you here for Y/N Y/L/N?" A voice asked. The brothers' heads snapped up, their eyes landing on a petite brunette in a white lab coat. They stood up, both towering over her, but still looking so small, their faces drawn and hopeful.

    "Yes," Dean said.

    "So we were able to take care of the extent of her injuries, but unfortunately, the amount of blood lost caused her body to go into a coma. We aren't sure when, or if, she'll wake up. And even them, the time her brain went with such a little supply of oxygen can cause her to have some serious brain damage. I'm sorry," She said giving them a sympathetic smile.

    "There's nothing else you can do?" Sam asked.

    "I'm sorry. We've done everything. It's really up to her now," The doctor said.

    "Can we see her?" Dean asked.

    "Of course," She said. "Follow me."

    The doctor lead the boys through the hallway. The sounds of beeping machines and the scuffling of the nurses' feet echoed through the somewhat quiet hospital. It smelled like hospitals do; rubbing alcohol, chemicals and dread.

    With heavy hearts, the brothers walked into your room. When their eyes landed on you, their stomachs dropped and hearts clenched.

    A tube ran into your mouth, indicating that you weren't breathing on your own. Several other tubes and needles were in stuck in various other places in your body. Scratches and cuts littered your skin, some stitched, some butterfly bandaged and others left alone, the rest of your skin painted with dark purple and black bruises. Your eyes were closed, your dark lashes laid upon your paled skin.

    Dean felt tears prick at the back of his eyes seeing you like this. He went over to the chair next to your bed and sat down, reaching forward and grasping your hand in his. He sniffed and felt a single tear roll down his cheek. Sam, seeing that his brother obviously needed some time, backed out of the room and went to grab a few coffees.

    Dean watched you for a while. He watched as the machine helped you breath, the rise and fall of your chest helping indicate you were somewhat alive. He watched as you laid perfectly still, not even your eyes were moving under your eyelids. He occasionally glanced up at the monitor to see your pulse, making sure it was steady.

    And then after a while of just sitting, watching and making sure you were alive, he began to talk to you.

    "Hey, Y/N/N," He began. He sniffed again and wiped away another stray tear. "I don't know if you can hear me but if you can, I want you to know I'm sorry. I think back to that night, the night you left, a lot. And everytime I go back to that memory, I curse myself out and say, 'how the hell could you have done that? You just threw away the best thing you'd ever had,'" At this point, he wasn't trying to control the tears, and let them flow freely. His heart was in so much pain by that point that he wouldn't have been able to control them even if he tried. "I can't imagine how badly I hurt you. I never wanted that. I guess that's stupid to say based on what I did but it's true. I just remember the way you looked when you confronted me. You looked so... Broken, I guess you could say. The way you looked at me, the way you looked in general, I couldn't believe I had caused that much pain. I hated myself for it. I still do hate myself for causing it.

God, there were so many nights I wished it was all a dream. I couldn't believe I had done something so terrible to hurt you so badly. I guess I don't blame you for leaving. What I did, it's unforgivable.

When I walked into that little cafe, and I saw you, after all these years, I felt my heart stop. I couldn't understand how you could have gotten even more beautiful," He chuckled, remembering back to the day you saw him again. "I told Sammy when we sat down, 'How could I have been so stupid to let her slip away from me?' When you came over, I couldn't help but tease you a bit. You snapped right back, which caught me a little off guard at first. But I thought, that's my girl, and I couldn't help but smile the entire time we were in there. Just being in the same room as you was exhilarating.

And then you agreed to go out with me. You have no idea how happy I was one you said yes. But of course, I screwed it all up by kissing you. I'm sorry about that, by the way.

But that lead to you being attacked. And then you were lead to me, having to rescue me and bargain your life for ours. One thing led to another and I guess here we are.

It seems that everything bad that has happened to you over the past few days were all because of choices I made. Hell, you're here in this town because of me. I'm so sorry for causing you so much pain, Y/N/N. This is all my fault and I'm so sorry.

I don't deserve you. Not in a million years would I ever deserve your love. I've done terrible things. I've done terrible things to you. I hope that one day, you can forgive me, that I can forgive myself for the things I've done. You are a wonderful person, Y/N Y/L/N and I hope one day you find true happiness. That you find someone that will worship you like you should be. That you'll find someone who will love you and care for you like I failed to do.

I hope you know that I love you, Y/N. I never stopped. What I did, was a terrible thing and I regret every minute of it. But that's just another thing to add to the list of reasons that I don't deserve you," Dean whispered. He choked back a sob and leaned forward to press his lips to your forehead. He lingered there for a moment before pulling back and cupping your cheek and resting his forehead to yours.

"I love you Y/N Y/L/N, and I'm so sorry for what I've done to you." He pulled away and got up from his seat. He wiped his tears away and took one more look before exiting the room. Sam watched from just outside the door as his older brother stalked down the hallway, his hands shoved in his pockets and his eyes red and puffy. His own eyes were filled with tears at his brother's confession, knowing he'd never be that open with anyone ever again. He liked seeing that side of Dean, the side of him that could open up and share his emotions with someone he loves. He'd be ever thankful to you for letting him see that, for you were the only one who'd ever gotten Dean's softest side.

Dean wasn't sure if you had heard him. It was after Sam had taken another look at you and followed his brother that a single tear rolled down your cheek. Because you had heard everything, and even after making that promise all those years ago, and keeping it up until then, you couldn't help but still love him.