Escape to Paradise/Newt, book 2

Chapter 11

"Emmy, can we talk?" Newt asked later. I nodded, turning away from the book I had been reading and set it on the bed next to me. He sat down across from me.
"Can you tell me what happened last night?" He said, frowning slightly.
"I got in a fight with a guard. I told you." I dismissed the question, picking at my fingernails. Newt licked his lips, taking my hand in his and then turning it over.
"Then what are these from." He asked, running a finger over the fading bruises on my wrist.
"I told you that too, i was sparring with one of the kids from group D." I lied, pulling my hands away and setting them in my lap. Newt shook his head.
"No, okay? You're lying." He said quickly, giving me a sad look.
"I'm not lying-"
"The other day you said it was someone from group C. Not group D." Newt interrupted. I bit my lip.
"You know, they all look similar, i don't know them." I denied. Newt looked disappointed, and it broke my heart. It was worse than him being angry.
"Why don't you trust me? Emmy i know somethings going on, just tell me what." He pleaded. My heart broke then, and all I wanted to do was cry and apologize and have Newt tell me it was okay.
"Please? Just tell me what's wrong." He said quietly, his hand resting on mine.
"Okay." I whispered. Newt sighed, like he was relieved. And i nodded back, finally meeting his gaze. "Okay...it was an experiment that they do here. Only on the people like me who have been out of the simulation for a while." I started. I had to stop and look at Newt, who still looked confused, almost like he wasn't sure what I was talking about at all.
"I have to do it a lot. Something about brain waves, or whatever. Mine are good, and they make me do it a lot." I explained. Newt nodded.
"Oh. What exactly is the...experiment?" Newt said slowly. I sighed, looking away and running a finger on the blanket on top of me.
"They um...they make you fall asleep, and...put these awful images in your brain to scare you. Apparently when you're scared, your body makes more of the antibody for the flare." I paused. Newt sighed, moving a bit closer before asking quietly.
"And what did they make you see?" He said, his voice so quiet it was barely a whisper.
"They made me watch you. When you jumped off a wall, or when you became a crank, or.....or..."
I froze, my eyes starting to tear up.
"Or when I saw you get killed. Shot in the head by one of your friends." I said quietly. Newt froze, his jaw tensing as he looked at me sadly.
"So you know?" He asked quietly. I nodded.
"Yeah. I know about your attempt to kill yourself. Why, Newt? Why would you do that?" I said, one tear rolling down my cheek. He sat there, silent. He shook his head, scratching his forehead.
"We weren't finding anything. I just...I was alone, and we weren't making any progress. I couldn't do it anymore." He paused, and I wiped my eyes.
"Emmy don't cry. I'm sorry you had to see that. I'm so sorry." He said, moving over so he was next to me, and I leaned over onto his shoulder.
"I know it wasn't the right thing now, but back then I felt like there was nothing else to do. And now..." he paused, kissing the top of my head. "I'm so glad that I didn't actually kill myself. I would have never gotten to meet you." He said. I smiled slightly, licking my lips.
"How many times did they make you go through that?" Newt asked. I swallowed, a lump in my throat.
"They made me watch you when you were a crank twice, but they made me watch jump off the wall 4 times, and I watched you die 7." I whispered.
"Oh god, Emmy. I'm so sorry." He said again. He held me hand, but his eyes glanced over my wrist again.
"The bruises are from Janson." I explained. Newt tensed up.
"The rat looking guy?"
"Yeah. Him. I tried to get out of the testing one time. I threw a big fit, screaming and crying. And..." I took a deep breath.
"You know, he got angry."
"Did he hit you?" Newt asked, his eyebrows furrowing with confusion and anger.
"No, no...he just grabbed my hands too hard. He was trying to hold me down." I explained. Newt nodded, relaxing just slightly.
"And your head?" He questioned.
"I Uh...threw a test tube at a lady, and she got mad." I said, smiling just slightly.
"You What?" Newt said, looking at me in surprise.
"Yeah...I kinda chucked a test tube at her head, and almost got her. So she hit me with a fire extinguisher." I laughed quietly.
"A fire extinguisher? Well for a WICKED employee I would think it would be some high-tech weapon, but...nope." Newt smiled. He pulled me closer, kissing my cheek.
"Yeah. The testing sucks, Newt. You don't need to worry though, they don't test anyone that just got ejected from the simulation. They usually give you three months." I explained. Newt nodded.
"Yeah. I'm not worried about me." He said gently. I smiled to myself.
"Yeah well I'm worried about you." I laughed. Newt shook his head.
"Get some sleep, slinthead." Newt smiled, putting my book on the end table.
"Sweet dreams, shuckface." I laughed back.

It took about a week to get used to my short hair. When it dried, the curls at the end just barely brushed my shoulder. It was better though. My head got better pretty quickly too, but i still couldn't act normally. Every time I saw a guard or Janson, I would flinch, involuntarily. If one of them brushed past me I would instinctively shy away.
I don't know what was wrong with me. I used to be fine around all the buzzing scientists, and now I'm terrified of most of them. I think they messed with my brain. Whether it's my subconscious telling me to stay away from them before I get hurt or not, I can't stand them.
There really was no way to stop them from testing on me. I tried to revolt twice, and look where that got me. I guess the only bright side to this situation was that Ava promised to not perform any more tests on me for at least two weeks, meaning I had time to heal. The second I was marked as "healed" from one of the medical doctors, I was ready for more testing, in Ava's eyes.
I considered taking Newt and running away, but I was holding on for the chance to be sent to paradise with him. Once the gladers arrived in paradise themselves, we would all be shipped there. If we left now, we'd never make it.

One of the members from group C made it out of the simulation today. She died trying to kill a crank. She ended up staying in my old room. It was weird, waking up in the morning, Newt snoring softly next to me. By no means did I want my old room back, but there were a few times when I started to open my old bedroom door, only to remember I gave the new girl my room key.