I Lied :: A Depressed America Fanfic

Four: A Letter

(Picture doesn't belong to me, just thought it would make sense to put it here.) 

A/N: Hey guys! Summer break is finally here, so now I can start writing fanfics again. I just want to clarify that the voice talking to America is in italics and bold. Anything in italics are also what other characters are thinking.

II

After his walk, America had two items in his hand to test how far his immortality could go. A knife from the kitchen and an old rope from the storage closet. It was because of that voice again. 

He wouldn't let his death be in vain. Of course he wanted to give some sort of memento to those who "cared". America made sure he had something to give to Canada, England, France, and other countries he thought were his friends. Also, he got food for his cat so he wouldn't starve in the first few days of his death. The countries wouldn't care enough to find him before it was too late, right? 

Inside the kitchen was a small fur ball, sleeping on a red rug. "Americat, time to eat." The cat stirred, but didn't wake up. America weakly smiled. It's better for him to be asleep then to witness my death. Before going into his bedroom, the country left a bowl full of cat food and the bag wide open on the kitchen tiles so that his cat would have access. 

"What else do I have to do?"

You can write a note. Get a piece of paper and something to write with. Put the " gifts"  you bought somewhere easy to find. Still, you may choose to do none of these and have no available proof of the cause of your death, which I suggest is easier. 

A note...

America already knew what to write down. In his room, he found a crinkled paper and a dull pencil. Finally, after so many centuries of torment, the truth will come out. He chuckled sadly.

It's kinda like how a hero sacrifices themselves to save others. Except he or she would always come back. I'll be going out with a bang.

Dear Countries of The World,

You know, I always wonder why we were immortal. I have a strong hate for that fact. Do you know how many times I've attempted to kill myself, but to no avail?
Have you heard this quote before? "When you die, your life flashes before your eyes." Now I know what that feels like. I see visions of my past mistakes. Those who thought they might be able to trust me, ended up hurt because of MY actions. Maybe it's time now. Maybe I should stop myself, the villain. If I did something now, I would avoid these mistakes from happening again, right? 

Canada, I truly never wanted to treat you as a ghost and not as a fellow nation, more so a good brother. You were there for me when she died as I was for you. All I ever did was make fun of you for it, I couldn't stand seeing you hurt by others who ignored you. Really, I wanted to be... normal? Fit in? If I noticed you, I thought the others would view me differently. So I ignored your existence in spite of the guilt weighing me down. Please... forget about me. Forget this shell of a person. Pretend that I never existed. That way, I can be invisible too. 

England. How can I make amends for... the Revolution? The words I said to you that day... My mouth just started throwing those insults because so many emotions like anger, sadness, happiness clouded my mind. You've been a great caretaker, brother, and friend. What have I been to you? Probably a waste of time. Yet, I will never forget the day you reached out for me. That was the first (and last time) such a kind action was directed at me. This is the last time I will apologize to you. I'm sorry England. I'm sorry for my troubles and harm. I'm sorry that you found me. I wonder, will you find me again before it's too late? 

Japan, it's all my fault. I wanted to make a friend, but I knew you were upset when you were unwilling to open your borders. I was happy our friendship got better over the years. I finally had a friend! It was enough if you could tolerate my stupidity because you would listen intently. I saw trust in your shallow eyes. Before you never see me again I want you to promise me something. Don't be afraid of the other countries. I've actually noticed most countries are nicer than they appear. We're kinda like a huge dysfunctional family, huh? There's a huge difference between us. You have friends, Germany and Italy. You and your friends have a good relationship and can actually get along together. Better than the Allies. I don't feel any trust from my "so-called friends" . And honestly, I'm scared of them. They've lived longer than I. They know more about the world and... I? Why do I have comrades when there isn't trust among us? 

I don't have much more to say since so few people cared about me. Even if you think I didn't care about you, I always have. From the very beginning, we needed each other to prosper and survive as personifications. As a consequence of wars and unnecessary conflicts, some nations... dissolved. I wanted this to happen to me, death. Humans... why couldn't I be born a human?! I don't want to watch as my country has so many problems, both external and internal. I want to live a human life. I want to witness life and death. For that though, I must get rid of myself. I'll miss you all, a lot. I wish that none grieve about my suicide. Goodbye. Let's meet again someday, as opposites. 

Sincerely, 

Alfred F Jones, former personification of the United States of America