When We Collide [ON HOLD]

5.5

Tristan

I rocked. I hadn't eaten breakfast. Or lunch, or dinner.

Xael came in a few times. You know, trying to get me to eat. Even tried to shove it down my throat. He gave up after lunch; now he just sat with me.

I didn't dare look in the mirror. I could feel myself deteriorating, my eyes sunken, dark circles and puffy eyelids.

Yes, I cried. No one knew — except from Xael, obviously. I couldn't help it. Thinking of my sister in that place — who knew what they were doing to her? I didn't. Which was why my imagination was working overdrive and playing images of Tazanna, tortured, crying, alone.

There was another reason I didn't look in the mirror. It was because all I saw was Tazanna in my own features.

"Tris, it's past twelve am. You need to sleep now," Xael told me, putting a hand on my shoulder. Still looking distant, I rocked back and forth.

"C'mon, Tris," Xael said softly, standing up. He put a hand under my armpit and pulled me up, guiding me to my bed. I resisted.

"I don't want to sleep, Xael!" I struggled, pulling away from the bed. Xael's grip tightened, and he pulled me with force. After a few moments, I gave up and got into bed.

Xael drew the duvet up, then slapped my chest lightly.

"If you're not asleep in the next ten minutes, I'll hit you."

"Mother of the year," I grumbled, and he laughed, some light entering his violet eyes. But the light left almost as quickly.

Xael walked to the other side of the bed and got in, sitting against my pillows. I knew he would leave once I was asleep, but his presence was reassuring to me, so he stayed for now. For me.

"I feel so useless," I whispered. putting my hands behind my head. Xael shot me a knowing glance. "I know," he said.

For a while, silence took over. We were both lost in thought.

Mum and Dad had alerted the human police of Tazanna's disappearance. I recalled Dad's words — "If a human happens to find them, recognise them, and alerts the police, humans get involved. It's much bigger and more complicated for the King and Queen. They don't like complicated. To the humans, Tazanna is human — one of their own. It would be like waging a war between fallen angels and humans."

"No, it would be a war between all angels and humans," Xael had cut in, "They don't bother looking for the difference. Angels are angels to them. All are bad."

"Maybe," Norman replied, "but the King and Queen would have to deal with it. And that would be a big problem for many reasons; the story would spread quickly, the Fallen can't subdue every single human, et cetera."

I turned to the side. What was the chance that a human would find them — angels couldn't themselves.

"Don't think about it, Tris," Xael murmured, his nose in a book. I huffed, closing my eyes. I was pummelled with images of Tazanna, alone, crying — I opened my eyes again. I knew I wasn't going to be able to sleep tonight.

"You will sleep, Tris. But only if you stop thinking about Tazanna!" Xael said, turning his attention towards me. I shuffled and turned back to him. His eyes were stern but kind. Protective as always.

"You're a good friend, Xael," I said quietly. I didn't know where the sentiments came from, but Xael didn't mind.

"Aw, is Tristan feeling affectionate?" Xael teased in a high voice. I tried to kick him from under the duvet but I got tangled up and we both laughed.

After a few moments, I said, "How do you stop thinking about her? I mean, I know we've only known her for a short while, but she's my sister, and thinking about what they might to do her there ... it terrifies me," I whispered.

Xael just looked at me. He seemed to be formulating an answer.

"I ... I don't stop thinking about her," he mused. Waiting for him to continue, I stayed silent. After a few moments, he proceeded, "I don't know her very well. But I know enough. And I do like her in a strange way. At first, we didn't click. You saw that," Xael smirked, and I snorted. Indeed, 'didn't click' was an understatement. After Xael joked about rape to scare her, (which I warned him never to do again) she made sure to make him feel small. It was quite funny, actually.

"But then, I noticed little things. How she's unconditionally loyal to the people who have won her trust. How she doesn't trust easily. How she stands up for what she believes in. How she's the most stubborn person I've met apart from Zahra. Maybe even more so than Zahra. And just little things ... those little things made me like her more and more."

I was smiling. Yes, she was all those things.

"So how do you remain calm? How are you not going crazy thinking about a girl we've known for a short while and who's already made us more than fond of her?"

Xael laughed softly. "I think about what she does. Not what they do to her, but what she does to them. Because you and I, and everyone in this very mansion, know that she would take any chance she got to be a bitch to these people. She would not make their job easy for them."

I laughed, imagining her sarcastic comments. "No, she wouldn't," I admitted. We fell into a silence again. This time, it was Xael who broke it.

"So, if we — once we get her back," Xael corrected, "Are you going to be a better brother?"

"Do you even have to ask?" I murmured, to which Xael laughed again.

"I guess I meant to ask how. How will you be a better brother?"

"I don't know," I contemplated. "Wait, haven't we had this conversation before?"

"We tried," Xael said, glaring at me jokingly, violet peeking out from beneath his eyelashes,  "but you avoided the question and said you were doing the best you could."

"Really? I don't seem to remember it happening like that ..." I said innocently.

"So answer it now."

"I guess... I'll be there for her when she needs me. When she needs a brother, not a friend. If she needs someone who'll stay through thick and thin when she thinks no one else will."

Xael nodded slowly. Then, hesitantly, he asked, "Why didn't you do that in the first place?"

I sighed. I hadn't told him about the nightmare that had felt so real.

"I ... had a nightmare," I said, my voice breaking slightly.

"Let me see," Xael said immediately. I didn't hesitate. I remembered the nightmare and sent it to him through my mind. Upon receiving it, his eyes closed and he slumped backwards. I saw his eyes moving rapidly under his eyelids.

After a few minutes, his eyes flew open and he gasped, shaken.

"Oh my bloody Jesus," he whispered shakily.

"I know," I said, remembering the feeling I had woken up with, sweating and shaking.

"It felt so real," Xael murmured, lifting a trembling hand up to his eyes. I hadn't seen him this unsettled in a while.

"I know."

"Tris ..." Xael trailed off cautiously. Immediately, my eyes flew to his. "What?" I said warily.

"What if it was a vision?"

The words slowly registered. "No," I said, my tongue suddenly heavy. "I don't have visions. Jasper does."

"You could, too. It's not too late to develop powers; especially since you have a connection with Tazanna. Your nightmare ... might not be a nightmare."

"No, Xael!"

Xael held my gaze steadily, his sharp eyes observant. Finally, he broke eye contact and leaned backwards, turning his head upwards thoughtfully.

"No, you're right. It was just a thought, that's all," he said.