Dirk Gently Oneshots

Snow

A/N: Seeing as it snowed today, here you go.

They didn't get snow often, so when they did, of course they had to go out with a bang.

"Damn, it's cold out here!" complained Todd as he huffed his way up the colossal hill. Clutching the wooden sledge, he was breathing a lot more heavily than the rest of them.

"Who's brilliant idea was this again?" Farah groaned. The culprit didn't answer, joyfully lost in the world of snow. Both Farah and Todd glared at the culprit, who was, of course, Dirk.

"C'mon Todd! Farah! Faster! We need to get to the top!" Dirk called excitedly, spinning around in circles with his arms stretched out dramatically.

"I. Have. Paperwork." growled Farah in response.

"Why did we agree to this?" Todd muttered, rearranging the sledge so that the red imprints on his hands and fingers could begin to fade away. The sledge now safely tucked under his arm, Todd sighed. He knew perfectly well why they (or rather, he) ha agreed to Dirk's 'urgent' request.

He had had a troubled childhood, Dirk. Stolen by the CIA at a young age, Dirk had been locked up for most of his development. Therefore he never got to experience the childish euphoria of playing in the delightfully cold ice crystals - because snow doesn't tend to fall in the middle of a cell.

Neither does it tend to fall in Britain (in March, to be specific) but yet there they were and there had to have been a huge dump of snow on the day that they were meant to meet the conjugation-obsessed, psychopathic French teacher.

Dirk had pleaded and begged and Todd had given in. Farah has sighed deeply, rolled her eyes and argued that, "I can't leave you alone with him. God knows what he'll talk you into doing, Todd Brotzman. One look at those puppy dog eyes and you'll agree to anything," after Dirk had bounded off up the hill. It turned out that Dirk had already gone and purchased a sledge, but for someone who was so enthusiastic about venturing into the cold, he didn't seem all that interested in hauling the wooden contraption up the hill.

"Faster!" Dirk called again, ages ahead of them.

"Dirk, slow down!" Todd shouted back at him.

"Why should I?" was the response he received.

A gentle trickle of snow began to fall, tiny snowflakes stinging Todd's eyes and he stumble. He lost his feet and felt the wet and cold soak into his jeans as he fell into the snow.

Muttering cursed, he picked himself up and grabbed the sledge. Farah gave him a pitying look. "You shouldn't have agreed."

"He hasn't seen snow before," Todd defended, "I thought it was the right thing to do."

"And have you changed your mind then?"

"No, I still think he should-" Farah gave him a pointed look as Dirk let out a squeal of excitement as he reached the top of the hill.

After a long, agonising trek up, both Todd and Farah eventually stood beside Dirk as he beamed.

"I've got an idea," Dirk began, "And you aren't going to like it."

Farah shook her head but Dirk launched into it anyways.

"So, you see the roof? Of our chalet thingy? Mini cottage, whatever. Well, there's snow on it, and from here there would be a perfect angle. There's a rather large mound of snow out front anyways so when we slide off the roof, the consequences shouldn't be too dire."

Farah took a large breath. "Are you...suggesting that we all get on one sledge and slide down the hill, across the roof of our house and off of the roof?"

"Yup," Dirk grinned, "Who's in?"

"No way in hell, Dirk Gently. No way in hell."

"You would if you were drunk," commented Todd, turning back to Dirk. "Of course, Bibbit, if that's what you want."

Dirk blushed a dark red, "Do not call me that...ever."

"Whatever you say, Bibbit." Todd placed the sledge down and clambered onto it. Dirk precariously sat, gripping onto the sides of it. Todd was being extremely and worryingly calm about this - even Dirk was freaking out now (although he didn't want to show it).

"Farah! Come and push us!" Dirk pleaded. Farah sighed deeply, as she was doing a lot of today.

"Damn you, Todd Brotzman. You need to learn how to say no to this," Farah muttered to him and she launched them into their perilous trip down - which would ultimately end in a broken arm and rib for Todd, and a huge grin on (unharmed) Dirk's face.