( if anyone is confused about this, this is a just a little sneak peak from the very end of the book just to get everyone intrigued. when i post the first chapter none of this will have actually happened yet. enjoy! )
the way i felt when i was with billie made me question why i've been wasting my life chasing boys. sure, i'm only going into tenth grade now and haven't truly experienced anything real with boys, but billie made me not want to experience anything with anybody else for a matter of fact, no matter the gender. billie is billie, and i believe she's the love of my life, no one beats billie, for she always comes first in my book.
freshman year was probably the worst year of my life. not only because it was the first year of high school and all i had to look forward to was three more hard years, but because i had just moved into this small town and i was going to be the new girl, whom was friendless.
my mom had told me that being the new girl would pass, i would get friends soon enough and i'd be just as much apart of that school as anybody else was, but i didn't believe her. luckily for me, she was somewhat right.
that being said when my world history teacher paired the one and only billie eilish and i together and we got along better than i expected, i had some hope that my future in this school and in this town wouldn't be as bad as i imagined.
when you have a best friend everything is different with them, simply because they're your best friend, but billie and i were a different, different.
things happen and people change but it is believed that i changed billie for the worst, by many people in her family, that is. even i believe that maybe things would be better if i wouldn't have forced my feelings onto her all the time. i couldn't help it though, i was truly in love with this girl, and things only ended up bad when she realized that she felt the same way.
it's currently two am, july twenty-third, and all that's on my mind is billie. it's a shame that we can't see each other anymore, but maybe it's for the best.
i felt myself dozing off after sitting in bed for two hours staring at the ceiling while listening to a playlist that i had made billie three months into our friendship. my summer is lonely without her but i made do with it, i guess.
my eyes were completely shut and i was bundled up in my blankets when i heard three taps in a rhythmic beat at my window, the knocks that billie and i had made up before to let each other know that it was us when we had knocked on each others doors, except this time it was on my window.
knowing that everyone in my house was asleep made me hug my blankets tighter to my chest. if it wasn't a family member, who was it?
when a couple seconds passed and i somehow convinced myself that no one was really there, and it was only in my head because i had been thinking of billie a lot that night and it was my brain messing with me, i heard the taps again. this time, i shot up out of my bed.
i slowly made myself get out of my bed and take quiet steps towards the window. the thoughts running through my mind were mostly, "is this really happening?" and, "how did she get here?", other than those i was just worried that a masked murderer would be outside of my window.
soon enough my shaky hands finally opened my blinds only to reveal billie in the worst state i've ever seen her in. i kind of paused, wanting to get her in my house as soon as possible but also wanting to cry for some odd reason, too.
i quickly opened the window and watched her crawl in carefully. once she stood completely still and tall, i studied her face.
dried up tears stained her cheeks and her hair was thrown up into a messy ponytail, yet she still looked beautiful as ever. her blue eyes put me in a trance and i find myself smiling so hard that my mouth would start hurting sooner or later.
"this is our song." billie finally speaks in a whispering tone, her voice very rough as if she had not spoke in awhile. i could listen to her beautiful voice for hours.
the music i had playing prior to this was still playing very loud, the current song being "lose it" by swmrs, we considered it our song being that it had a great past between us.
"billie?" i say, and a smile appears on her face.
she took in a deep breath and replied, "yes dylan?"
we were both smiling and soon enough i took her into my warm embrace, feeling a tear slip down my cheek as we just hugged each other by my window that was still open, the summer breeze coming through.
"i've missed you so much." i whisper on the other side of her.
hugging her, smelling her, holding her, made me fall in love all over again.
although i had so many questions for her all i could do was pull out of the hug and look her in the eye, kissing her soft lips after a long pause.
i knew as i was kissing her that i will remember this moment forever. i will never forget it. her touch was soft and her skin was so cold yet for some reason it made me feel warm inside, it made me feel good. it made me feel better than i ever have before, doing anything.
billie pulled back automatically, giving me a warm smile, and pulled me back in.
everyone always remembers their first kiss. whether it was embarrassing, good, horrible, or literally anything else, you'll remember it somewhat okay.
i, though, only will want to remember this kiss with billie. we've kissed before but for some reason this one feels so different, similar to our relationship. it's so magical it made my heart jump.
i hope that i remember the taste of her lips even years from now. she tastes sweet, as i've imagined.
