Crestfallen ↬ Carl Grimes (old version)

A C H I E V E M E N T S

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR; ACHIEVEMENTS
(Read the end note for an important message!)

"Most days I am a museum of things I want to forget."

"You're acting like you know everything about me."

"That's because you're about as see-through as glass."

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WAS IT POSSIBLE FOR OUR SINS TO COME ALIVE AND CLAIM OUR LIVES AS RIGHTFULLY THEIR'S?

Well, let me rephrase. Of course, no matter how senile I may seem, I know for a fact that I would never begin questioning the logic of our circumstances in the peculiar and simply frustrating way Father Gabriel had the keen ability to do at the most inconvenient of times. Even if it may seem that way, it wasn't very hard to admit that the question itself was one to ponder over during times of pure silence. As of the moment, it seemed, that I had somehow gained that rare moment, bright rays of sunlight breaking through the cracks of the wooden walls of the barn and breaking apart on my mud covered skin and clothing.

It seemed, to me, that there might not be another singular night where I have to think back to those three measly rules that I always find myself breaking. Not only that, but I knew all too well that I most likely wasn't the only one wondering if we were ever going to actually have a night in which we would all actually sleep through without having to worry or wonder how many we had left until we simply stopped breathing. It was slightly humorous to me, how much of a burden I thought I was for wondering such a thing like that, especially when a group as good as this one, a chance as good as this, was placed right into my hands and I took it without a second thought. But even last night, one of the rare occasions where the worry of sleep didn't plague my mind as much as it had the keen ability to, somehow shattered around our feet in small shards as the familiar sound of the inhumane and gut-wrenching groans, ranging towards the dozens, sounded right outside of our doors as if some sort of dinner bell had sounded. 

Us, of course, not only being the dinner's main course, but also the entertainment for the night, practically stumbling over one another as we all pushed against the slick mud and held the door in place for as long as we could. 

Maybe saying this would be too wrong of me to do...But I can't shake the feeling of pure fear, the raw, metallic taste of it as it burned my throat and filled my stomach with acid, whenever I thought of a home that is supposedly safe and normal and the kind of place where society is still a thing and anything past the line of normalcy couldn't be welcome just for the sake of a healthy and manageable way of living. For, if that were indeed the case, then I have not a single doubt that I would be the absolute first to leave, on nobody else's account but my own. 

But, the utmost absurd chain of thoughts that I've spun around and around my brain for the past hour or so now, would have to be the fact that even with the fear, I could still accept the journey towards finding our new home as long as it meant that I could have more moments like this, certainly unable to stray my eyes away from the raven strands of hair that parted over the Carl's freckled face as the birds chirped outside and I allowed myself to settle into a state of somewhat peace with my thoughts as I focused more on the little details of the boy's face rather than focusing on the details of the unknown journey that looms ahead of us all. It gave me a strange sort of peace, just to know that he was sleeping so contently through the night even with what had happened in the middle of it, a bare whisper of a smile on his face as he scrunched up his nose and stirred a bit before returning to whatever state of sleep he was in.