sympathy ~ e.d.

XI

I walk through the long hallways of the school. I really don't want to face Ethan. I was so weak, I had a complete meltdown in front of him. I don't want to be weak in front of people, especially not after knowing them for such a short amount of time.

I see the familiar faces of Ethan and his twin brother walking towards me. I look down and try to avoid his gaze. I look back up when I think they have passed, but I make eye contact with Ethan anyway. He smiles at me and my gaze drops to the ground again.

After school, I lie down on my bed. My mom has gone on her business trip, forgetting to say goodbye to me once again. My head is crowding full of thoughts. Somehow, Ethan consumes quite a lot of thoughts as well.

I thought I'd just get through the year by avoiding everyone, just like I had done before. But no, here he comes and plants himself in my life. I don't want him there.

I start interrogating myself at this point, seeing I don't have a lot of better things to do. Why don't I want the guy in my life? I mean, my brain is resisting everything. It felt good to finally hug someone again, to have physical contact with a human being outside the annoying kids in the hallways. Why won't I let him in? He tries so hard and I know he won't give up until I call him my friend.

But then I think of all the downsides. The second I trust him, he can drop me with the snip of his fingers. I have been left by everyone I have known in my life and I can't pile another one on top of that list.

He somehow makes me weak, all the walls I have built up for safety, he seems to break down. I'm not sure if I want him to. I want to be strong, not let anyone get to me, so why do I let him so easily?

I sigh. My eyes have been staring at a blank ceiling while my thoughts were raving inside my head. My phone rings and I look at the screen. It must be some joke of the universe, Ethan's contact is calling me. I just stare at the phone until it quietens down again.

Messages appear on the screen. I don't bother to read them, I just fall asleep on my bed, tired from the energy all those thoughts took from me.

The doorbell rings and I sit up. What time is it? Did I even set an alarm for school? I look at my alarm clock which says that it's 7.30 in the evening. I must've slept for a few hours before the doorbell woke me up. I walk downstairs, still a bit wobbly from the slumber I had been awoken from.

I open the door and come face to face with a smiling Ethan. I want to close the door in his face again but he takes me by surprise when he wraps his arms around me in a friendly hug.

'Are you okay?' he asks me while walking in. I didn't even invite him in and he knows I wouldn't have. He just decided to walk in himself. I follow him to our living room.

'What, Ethan?' 'I wanted to bring you some dinner since you weren't replying. I thought you would like it. It's a salad with avocado and tomatoes.' He hands the container he was holding to me. I take it with a confused look on my face.

'Why? I can cook for myself.' 'I know, you didn't reply to my calls or messages so I wanted to check up on you, see if you were feeling any better', he says with a small smile still dancing around his lips.

'I am. Goodnight, Ethan.' 'I'm not leaving. I want to sit with you and make sure you eat it, it's really good.' He takes a seat at the dining table. It looks a lot less lonely when there's another person sitting at the table that was meant to be used by four. It's usually just occupied by one. Me.

'Thank you or your effort but-' 'Please just accept it. Try it.' I look into his pleading eyes and set the bowl down on the table. I grab a fork from the kitchen and open the lid of the container. I take a bite and eat it.

'I took a bite, you can leave. Thank you. Goodnight.' Ethan looks disappointed but recovers quickly. 'I have a good idea. Your mom was away on a business trip, right? I''m coming by on Fridays to have dinner with you so you won't be lonely. I'll see you at school, Zee.' He stands up again and I follow him to our door. I don't even have the time or energy to argue him. I guess he's working his way into my life now.

'Goodnight, see you tomorrow.' He gives me a small hug. 'Bye, E', I hear myself say and his lips form into a smile before he walks off to his car.

Why is this guy such a mystery yet open book to me?