sympathy ~ e.d.

XVI

A knock on the door awakens me from the small nap I had just dozed into. I haven't been able to sleep properly all night. I have just been tossing and turning and thinking about all the 'what-if's' that could have been. And when I do fall asleep, it isn't very nice since my attacker's face is seemingly following me there as well.

I grumble and head to the door. I must be looking horrible in my way too large sweater and grey sweatpants. The bun that sits on top of my head isn't really helping the look.

I open the door and look into the worried eyes of a boy. Ethan to be more exact. No other boy would even think about coming remotely close to me. I'm not that much of an approachable person.

I fake a smile at him and invite him in. I feel like I look so much worse in comparison to him, even though he took a beating. He is looking rather nice with simple jeans and a gray shirt. His eyes look worried, though. He hugs me and it feels rather weird yet comforting in a sense. I love to hug him, I could stay like this all day. I don't think my plan is realistic, though. Or that Ethan would allow that.

I let go again and offer him something to drink. 'I would ask if you were okay but I already know that question is pointless. You'll say you're fine either way. So I just decided to come to your house to check up on you. I also wanted to invite you to my place for a movie or something. Grayson's getting mad I'm spending so much time with you.' I fake a smile at him.

I'm not mad or anything, I'm just not in the mood to genuinely smile. I owe Ethan so much, he practically saved me from the guy yesterday. The least I can do now is give in.

He thanks me for his glass of water and asks me what I want to do. 'I don't care, it's fine.' He smiles. 'If you're really okay with coming with, that would be great.' He takes a sip from his glass.

'I'll be right back', I state and head up the stairs. I put on some comfortable jeans, not minding to take off my sweater. A tiny drop of perfume will do. I managed to shower this morning, I think I'm okay.

'Okay, we can go.' I keep it to the bare minimum of words. The thoughts are raging inside my head, causing my words to lessen. Ethan smiles at me, a genuine smile. I grab my phone and keys so I can get back in my house again.

Ethan opens the door in front of me and makes a weird bow. 'After you, m' lady.' I genuinely feel a smile coming up and the corners of my mouth are lightly tugging up before they sink down again and leave me looking neutral once again. I think Ethan picked up on my small moment though, his smile is bigger than it just was.

After a short and silent car ride which consisted of me looking out the window absently, we arrive at theirs. Ethan opens the door for me and I wait in the hall before I follow him into the living room.

'Gray, I'm home!' Ethan shouts. He walks into the living room. 'Finally! I thought you'd never come back! Did you bring food? I am so- oh hey, Zera!' his enthusiasm is nice to see. I try to fake a smile but it costs too much energy.

'You need a hug', he states and he engulfs me in a big hug. I did need that.

'So, what do you want to watch?' I shrug. 'I don't care.' We're sitting on the couch. I'm on the far right end of their grey sofa, Grayson is on the left and Ethan in the middle. He nods, knowing I am not really there with my mind at all.

'I want to watch Finding Nemo!' Grayson says with a big smile on his face. Ethan looks my way as if he's asking if I'm okay with that. I give him a small nod, which results in him giving me a sympathetic smile back.

He puts on the movie and I blankly stare at the screen. I don't progress anything that's happening. Grayson, however, is really intently looking while eating the popcorn he had just taken out of the microwave. Every time Ethan wanted to grab a handful out of the bowl on Grayson's lap, his hand would get slapped away. Ethan had offered me some food too, but I politely declined.

Towards the end of the movie, I don't hear the sounds of Grayson munching the popcorn anymore. Instead, they are replaced by small snores coming out of his slightly parted mouth. It was quite funny to see such a popular and seemingly unreachable person at school be so human and nearly cute.

I feel another pair of eyes on me. Ethan's warm hazel irises meet mine. 'Thank you for coming to my house, I know you'd prefer your own but you went here for me and I really appreciate it.' I smile in return and avert my eyes, not knowing what to say nor wanting to say anything.

I am taken by surprise when I feel his soft lips against my cheek. My eyes flutter at his touch while my eyebrows furrow. 'Come here', he pulls me into a side hug so I am comfortably laying against his side. I close my eyes, feeling safe in his embrace somehow.

His large arm is around my shoulder and resting on my waist. The movie has ended and the credits are rolling. I can hear a subtle sound in the background, yet I pay no attention to it.

I only pay attention to Ethan's breathing. His steady heartbeat. His faint smell of cologne. The soft material of his shirt. His warmth. All the negative thoughts that have been circling around my brain all evening have now been replaced by him. Every inch of my brain seems to be occupied by him at the moment.

'I know you want to protect yourself, and I won't say I get it because I honestly do not know what you have been through, but if you were to ever want to open up to someone, please know I am here. I care for you', his voice is a mere whisper.

I feel a silent tear roll down my cheek. I don't understand why he is so good to me. He has been so perfect to me while I am just making it hard for him to even get remotely close. And somehow, he notices it again. He doesn't say anything, just gently wipes my tear away. I think this is honestly the most physical contact I had in a day for the last year.

'Shh, try to get some sleep. Just close your eyes and calm down.' His whispers command what my eyes have been wanting to do for a little while now.

I close my eyes and lay comfortably, once again using his chest as my pillow. I don't know how he does it, but my head is so much less crowded and I actually feel myself sinking away into sleep.