Unsustainable [VKOOK]

Butterfly

"You see, it's not even that Jungkook doesn't care about him anymore, he already proved that he does." Hoseok explains, sitting cross-legged in the grass while absentmindedly playing with a daisy he picked off the ground. "But it's a complicated situation, he's lost with his feelings... You don't blame him, right?" A little silence. "Yeah, I knew you wouldn't. You've always been the nicest of us all, Yoongi-hyung." He kindly smiles at the grave in front of him, gently thumbing the hard material for a brief second.

Hoseok is currently in a corner of the graveyard he often comes to, as he earlier felt the strong need to visit the person he misses so much. He knows it can seem gloomy to be used to visit a such a gloomy place, but he is infatuated with the way speaking to Yoongi about everything and nothing makes him feel relieved, as if he truly was communicating with the other male. In reality he doubts the older can hear him, but if there's the smallest chance, then he's ready to look like a complete fool by speaking to a tombstone. It helps him feel better anyway, so why would he stop? Sometimes he's even tempted to call Yoongi his personal psychologist...

Apart from these reasons, Hoseok has also come here because today is a very special day. It's the same time of the year Yoongi got married to the woman he loved, ages ago, and the man can't bring himself to forget about that day. He remembers everything about the way Taehyung's brother and his wife had beaming smiles etched on their faces, her dress of a pure white and his suit fitting him perfectly. He also recalls how Taehyung and Jungkook had looked up to them, obviously yearning for getting married as well one day, a wish they actually fulfilled not long after. But more than anything, he can't forget the way his own throat had remained painfully tight during the whole day, and the strong will he had had to escape the ceremony as the one he loved was getting married right before his eyes. Hoseok couldn't even find a word that would describe his state well enough as he had to fake happiness in front of the newly weds, everyone taking the few droplets that had managed to roll down his cheeks for tears of joy.

The pain had remained during years, revived every time Hoseok had caught sight of Yoongi or had talked to him, which of course had happened a lot. Yet he had managed to hide these chest-crushing emotions all this time, so that none of his friends even had a clue, even today. The only one he had ever been tempted to tell was Yoongi himself, not because he had thought there was a chance they could be together, because there definitely wasn't any, but because his secret was weighing way too much on his shoulders and it was getting unbearable. He hadn't managed to gather the courage to do so though, something he deeply regrets now that the man he misses so dearly is gone. He actually doesn't think he still loves him though, these days he only feels dull most of the time. Maybe it's a sign he is getting better? Or is he simply so used to feel upset that the sensation became normal to him?

It's ironic how as a psychologist he can read in other people's mind so well, when he's incapable of understanding himself.

"I hope you like the flowers I brought you today... Not that you don't have enough already, huh? I can see I'm not the only one to come he-

-Hoseok?" The said man startles hard, his head whipping around before his eyes fall on Jimin, who's standing a few feet away with roses in his hands.

"God, Jimin, you scared me..." He sighs in relief, "I almost thought you were a ghost for a second!

-You silly..." The smaller man's lips quirk up for a second, but Hoseok can perfectly see that the smile doesn't quite reach his eyes. That's why he wraps an arm around his friend's shoulders when this one kneels next to him and in front of Yoongi's last home, wanting to make him feel his support.

"Hey, Jiminnie... Are you okay? Do you want me to leave you alone with Yoongi?" He asks with a softer voice, the said male shaking his head lightly as an answer to his last question, or maybe his first, Hoseok isn't sure.