train stations

xv.

Night fell again. Tomorrow, when dew sprinkled the budding trees and birds sang in hushed whispers, she would be at her destination. The train would be gone. Melanie would be gone. She would be left alone with the world moving around her still body.

She sifted through all the letters she had written the past day. The paper wrinkled, and words blurred. She looked back out the window.

Silhouettes rushed by. Someone could have told her they were demons, tall and lanky, reaching towards the train to pull her into a realm of insanity, and she would have believed it. She felt dizzy, queasy. She leaned back and rubbed her eyes.

She remembered everything she had done, forgetting her voice, her mind, herself. Her mistakes, burdens, crimes could not be forgotten, even with these useless words. She wondered what her husband at home was thinking. What he was feeling. Surely, he would feel relief in her absence. In reality, she had been absent for a very long time.

A tear ran down her cheekbone and dripped off her jaw. She read through the letters again.

She tasted bile.

She struggled between wanting to turn back or wanting to run forward even faster. She had left, unsure of what she wanted to do. She just had to leave.

After reading through her empty words, one by one, the growing nausea became heavier, and she made her decision.