Prompt-O-Rama

Why I Shunned the Pseudonym (Prompt: Empty)

"So, Ramanujam," the host cleared her throat before asking the next question. I waited, my breathing still a little laboured thanks to this being my first interview. The unthinkable had happened - my books sold in truckloads - and then the next logical unthinkable followed and here I was, in an interview in front of hundreds in a show called 'Beauty and the Beastalk'. My host was a young and curvaceous beauty and so, I had to do the beastalk. Doing the beastalk is better than being a beanstalk, I comforted myself.

"Your name," she said and paused as my lips twitched without ending up in even half a smile, "... are you comfortable being asked about it?"

"Yeah, go on. By all means," I said, having resigned to the fact that she would ask anyway.

"When we did some research, we realised you must have been named after a great sage and one that is highly revered by many..."

"Including myself," I interrupted, knowing where this was headed. This was the first time I was being asked this as a writer alright, but I had been asked about whether I felt I did justice to the name, given I led a mundane materialistic life. "Including myself," I reiterated, "And in my defence, it isn't as though I named myself Ramanujam." Some in the audience chuckled while some others groaned.

"But in this avatar, you could've chosen a pseudonym," my host, who I realised was as smart as she was attractive, said.

Time to think like an author.

"I tried. Given that I mainly write satire, I wanted a Wodehouse-esque pseudonym," I started off to a thirty second applause, which of course was for Wodehouse. That gave me time to move the plot further. "I tried many and eventually anglicised the expression Yov that is commonly used in the Tamil language to address someone with scant respect. Like how you would want to yell at someone who stepped on your feet as though it was their birthright. I took the name RS Yove and let it sink in. Very soon I realised, as I tried to be my pseudonym, that I was turning in the direction of every 'yov' said on the street.  And, I had to ditch it. The next time, I chose to change the initials too. After all, if my name could change, my father's could too," I said to a few giggles from the crowd.

"For some reason, I picked Vessels, a South-African sounding name and thought it would be funny to have MT for initials, so my name would sound like empty-vessels." The crowd broke into a laughter. "So, MT Vessels it was. I wrote the story of a psychopath who makes women scream loudly just before he slashes their throats to listen to raw Aria. And, I gave the story the title, Make More Noise." A publicity stunt, you see - MT Vessels - Make More Noise.

"And what happened?" the host who was now leaning towards me said.

"The magazine I sent it to rejected the story because they didn't publish erotica. Of course, they hadn't read beyond the title and the first line Hmm..louder baby, louder. And that day, I decided pseudonyms weren't for me. I chose to remain Ramanujam." 

"You're putting us on, aren't you?" the host said, once the crowd settled down after being briefly cacophonous. 

"Of course. The real reason is, I am proud of my name. And, I am by no means an empty vessel."