Prompt-O-Rama

Absurdomaniacs (Prompt:Liar)

It riles me to no end that people will believe all sorts of balderdash when it is either in the movies or on the news. Anything from sports to scandals to synthetic weather is lapped up by the human herd so long as it is packaged well. They will make you believe your neighbour is a sickle-wielding homicidal maniac when all he was guilty of was stealing an apple that hung tantalisingly over his fence. Absurdomaniacs, I call them.

But my dear friend, I am going to tell you something that's true. Totally true. Well, it is my own story and who better than I to tell you about it?

You see, I wasn't good at most things people are usually good at in school. I barely passed my examinations nor was I a sporting sensation. The only real capital I had was the bread around the bones. I eventually became a carpenter and after I made good money, I setup my own shop.

Youtube came along and that was my big breakthrough moment. I setup a channel, uploaded some videos, and voila, I am a DIY sensation, a guru so to speak. I am also a narcissist, something that you must've figured out by now. The shop became my altar, the saw dust became my camphor, the tools my ritual implements and glue and epoxy, my incense. I am from the school that believes men don't use masks or any protection. And boy, did that save me when the explosion wiped out everything else!

When the medics combed the area for survivors after the deafening bang, looking like the pig-faced humans that Nostradamus so famously said would come, they found me alive and intact. They also found everything behind me untouched while all in front had simply vapurised. "You are just dazed! That's absurd," I remember a young paramedic telling me and I laughed at the irony. What is absurd about being dazed? Half the city vapourised instantly and they found this absurd. Pardon the redundancy, but how absurd?

They ran tubes in, scoured everything within me and when they couldn't establish how I was the barrier that stopped a great blast in its tracks, they chose the simple route. They asked me.

I was mixing a lavish quantity of epoxy and sawdust, enough to seal all the crevices in a tree. That's when the explosion took place. My shop was shredded and the mix I had created was all over me. I even swallowed some. A maze of blue expanding at a menacing pace headed my way and right when it was close, I sneezed and it sent a strange bluish paste in the direction of the maze. I don't know how, my dear friend, but the gooey thing not only arrested, but also reversed the propagation of this strange blue maze. Very soon, the all pervading maze was just a dot before it disappeared, like the final lingering dot on good old TV that was switched off.

I told them this and they said it was absurd as they knew of nothing that could reverse a fission reaction. I am alive, they reached me and saw with their own eyes that I stood between a vast nothingness and half a town. Yet, they said I was lying, insane.

When I asked how what remained remained, and how it all abruptly stopped, they had no answer. They are now speaking of moving me to an asylum - a place I say is fit for them, the absurdomaniacs. 

Think of the unshakeable evidence in my favour. Think of what could've been. And think of all those mutant superheroes you admire, love, revere. Do you trust my version or are you also an absurdomaniac?