BRAINSTORM

Chapter Twenty - The heart of change.

Ellen studied the pretty redheaded girl who smiled up from the photo. On her left stood a stunning blonde, hair in a ponytail and a scarf around her neck. On her right was a muscular man, a football player. Her father had been a record-setting NFL quarterback before he died in a freak car accident. Ellen missed him all the time.

Her mother was another story. She had left them both when Ellen was just a little older than she was in this photo. Ellen could barely remember her now, but it seemed like her mother lived in her anyway – in her selfishness, and in her willingness to use her body and her beauty to get what she wanted. Her father had been focused, determined, hard-working. Why hadn't she inherited any of those qualities?

The innocuous question hurled itself into focus. She paused. Why wasn't she more like her father? If she was, she would be willing to help Jack, and he would never have looked at her that way—as if she had suddenly become ugly to him. She fought back the tears, trying to forget.

Ellen didn't know how long she sat motionless but gradually became more cognizant of the present. She gently closed the old photo album and hugged it to her chest. Her will rode alternating waves of capitulation and strength, and she didn't know which would take her. She wished she'd met Jack sometime in the future when she was a better version of herself.

The questions refused to go away. Was it worth trying to change Jack's opinion? Could she change simply by deciding to? Energy pulsated through her body like an electric shock as she remembered that her father had been able to do that. She'd witnessed it. He had won many football games through the sheer force of his will—as if that alone had the power to determine the outcome. A flickering notion floated through her mind, and she barely grasped it. Before it ran away from her, she hurried to her computer to type out a letter.

~~~

Branches blurred past. The earth felt good under Jack's feet, and his heart raced with an intensity that let him know he was alive. Residents at CIRAS were allowed to use designated paths around the property, and they were perfect for his morning runs.

The mid-November air chilled his nostrils and lungs, invigorating him. He missed the outlet of competition and promised himself that he would find a way to play soccer in a league again. There were some good ones around with players just like him who could have gone pro but had other things in their lives that were more important than soccer.

Jack turned his head toward the sun as he headed down a path beside a stream. The dappled sunlight on the water reminded him that there was a world that existed outside of CIRAS. For about a month now, his work with TR had been so consuming that he had almost forgotten. Breathing in, he returned his gaze to the path and settled into a steady stride.

While his body was occupied with the task of running, his mind returned to Ellen, as it had again and again over the past few days. What did she know? Had he been too hard on her? He didn't like the way she had responded to his questions. Then again, sometimes he could react one way initially, but in time he would come around. Maybe Ellen was like that, too. Maybe he had overreacted. Yeah, or maybe it's your libido talking. He snorted. That was a real possibility. He ran faster and whipped around a corner. After a few more fast-paced minutes, he started to sweat.

Jack did like her, or he thought he did. It was hard to tell because she was so unbelievably sexy and that clouded his judgment for sure. Then he remembered how unattractive she had seemed when she wouldn't talk to him about what was wrong with CIRAS. He amped up his pace.

He didn't know what he thought. I should just talk to her again. His conscience prodded. Or maybe it wasn't his conscience at all.

Sweat dripped down every centimeter of his body. He ran harder than he had in a long time but couldn't sideline his thoughts. He finally gave up, got out his phone, and called her."Hey, Ellen. Meet me for dinner tonight?"

"Jack, I can't. You know how things are around here."

"No, actually, I have no idea what's going on around here," he yelled, not meaning to. He took a quick gulp of air to calm down. "I'm not going to let it control my life. What's the worst they can do?"

Ellen paused. "You really want me to answer that?"

"Okay, fine. I see your point. But Jesus, Ellen, I'm not going to live like a caged animal. Do you want to meet me for dinner or not?" His delivery was harsher than he intended.

Ellen hesitated before she said, "Yes."

~~~

Ellen spun around to greet Jack at the entrance to the restaurant and in that single moment he was undone. She wore a slim-fitting, green turtleneck sweater and black leather pants and boots. Jack walked up to her and kissed her on the cheek. "You look unbelievable."

She bit the side of her lip. "And you look very handsome, Jack."

"Thanks. Want to get a table by the window?"

Ellen nodded. "That would be perfect." Her energy seemed subdued. She was probably thinking about their last encounter and how it had ended. He hadn't forgotten it, either.

They were seated and ordered cocktails and a couple of entrees. Ellen sipped her martini but hardly ate anything. Jack concentrated on his burger and Guinness.

Ellen set down her empty martini glass and ordered another. "So, Jack, what sorts of things do you do for fun?"

Jack raised his eyebrows and swallowed his bite. "For fun?"

"Yes, for fun. You can't possibly work all the time." She correctly interpreted his expression. "Can you?"

Jack shrugged his shoulders. "Pretty much."

The server brought Ellen's martini and set it before her. She smiled and thanked him before turning back to Jack. "Well, I know you work out." She winked at him. "I can tell."

"Yeah, I work out. And I used to play a lot of soccer."

Ellen perked up. "What position?"

"Goalie."

"Do you ever think about getting back into it?"

He smiled. "It's funny you should ask that . . ."

They talked for an hour. Ellen was a great conversationalist, and if Jack could have forgotten where they were, it would have felt like they were on a date. Despite his misgivings about her seemingly selfish nature, he wanted her now, and badly. He stared at her and sighed at his own hypocritical nature.

Ellen tilted her chin and looked at him sideways like she was trying to figure something out. She asked, "Am I annoying you?"

Jack was confused. "Why?"

"You just sighed like you were exasperated."

Jack laughed. "Only with myself."

"I know what that feels like." She smiled softly and looked defenseless, which intrigued him.

"What do you mean?"

She pulled at the cuffs of her sweater. "Oh, what you were talking about the other night just got me thinking. It made me look honestly at some of the choices I've made. I'm not proud of a lot of them. And I'm still having trouble changing."

"That sounds like you're a normal human being to me. Even when you see something you want to change, that doesn't mean it's easy to do."

Ellen drew her eyebrows together. "How do you know so much about people?"

Jack joked, "I don't know if you noticed, but I am one."

Ellen ran her eyes up and down his body. "Oh, I noticed."

Jack blushed. He reached across the table and wrapped his hands gently around hers. "I believe in you, Ellen. I believe you can become whoever you want to be—someone who is beautiful both on the outside and the inside."

Ellen looked like he had just slapped her across the face. "You don't know anything about me, Jack." She pulled her hands from his grasp. Her eyes shone with tears as she reached into her bag and pulled out a letter. She handed it to him with a trembling hand. "See if you still think that after you read this." Then she stood up and fled.