In Six Years' Time

Not Quite What I Had In Mind, But I'll Take It

The wind was almost brutal today, slapping my hair onto my face like little whips, leaving a small stinging sensation behind. The strong wind was good for me, not that I necessarily needed it but a little nudge in the right direction was welcome. After all, I had made this decision. This was what I wanted.

I wanted to die, that is.

I looked down at my toes that all but gripped the edge of the cliff. The water below was a dark gray that almost matched the sky. A storm was coming for sure but I was only a little sad that I would miss it. I always did love a good storm. The smell of rain was our favorite scent.

Now there was no we. The scent of rain would never be enjoyed by you again.

Time was up for me, as well. I'd made my bed and now I'd lay in it. I wasn't necessarily having second thoughts. I was just a little afraid.

I took a deep breath and lifted my arms. I would just gently glide over the edge. Free as a bird.

"I'll see you soon, Kace." I whispered before I closed my eyes and let my breath go, letting my weight fall forward until I felt my feet leave the ground.

I was free falling.

And it was terrifying.

I wouldn't open my eyes. I instantly regretted this decision, the moment I felt my safety vanish and I was airborne. I tried not to consider the options, but they came regardless. Either I'd hit the jagged rocks below, or the freezing water. Neither sounded like a good option anymore. I had wanted my pain to end, but I never considered the pain I'd feel as I felt it slip away.

My eyes were still squeezed shut. I didn't want to see as I fell to the ground. I didn't want to know when I'd hit the jagged rocks. There are no second chances. I thought bitterly as I waited for the inevitable.

"But what if there were?" I heard a voice ask, and suddenly my eyes snapped open, finding myself standing at the top of the cliff again, my arms spread. I hastily threw my arms down and scrambled away from the edge, afraid that the wind really would give me the push I earlier had wanted, but now wish stayed far away from me.

No longer falling, I wondered if I had even jumped at all. Could I truly have imagined it all? No, such a vivid hallucination was out of my realm of possibilities. Despite my brain desperately trying to keep me from dying, I knew not even it was capable of what I experienced. So then, what happened?

The voice. I glanced around, looking for whoever spoke. Surely the answers to my questions would lay with them. My best guess was that my death was instantaneous and now I was facing divine punishment.

But my guardian was nowhere to be seen.

This decision to end my life was far too rash. I hadn't realized just how little I actually wanted to go through the process of dying. It wasn't until I didn't have the choice anymore that I suddenly realized I don't want to die. I just wanted my heart to have relief. I wanted the end result of death, without the process it took to get there.

I just wanted to be happy.

"I don't know about that—" the voice spoke again, and my legs gave out, sending me to the ground where I scraped my knee on the sharp gravel. "—but I can give you something better." It continued, not even phased by my terror. I again looked for the silhouette of a man or at least another person, but found none. I began to wonder if I imagined it all until I heard it speak once more. "I am very real." It replied indignantly, and gave a little wiggle to attract my eye.

I finally looked down, stunned to see that it wasn't a man at all that spoke to me, but

a tortoise.

This was the biggest tortoise I had ever seen. I hadn't seen too many tortoises in my life, but he, by far, took the first place prize according to size. I had mistaken him for a part of the cliff he was so large. His shell was a similar color to the rocky exterior of the ground I stood on, and his size most certainly didn't attract my attention to him being a reptile. I had just assumed this was a large boulder atop the cliff and paid it no mind.