If Only (Hamilton Fanfic)

4

A knock on his door snaps Philip out of his thoughts. He opens the door to reveal his cheerful little sister bursting into his room, "Hello, Angelica." He shuts the door behind the seventeen year old.

"I was going through some old crates, looking for some of Mother's old sewing patterns and I found this unmarked letter to John Laurens from Father and-"

"Angelica," Philip snaps, "Have you no sense of privacy?" General Laurens was their father's best friend and had died during the war. He died five months before Philip was born.

"Oh, Brother. You are such a bore!" She teases. 

Philip smirks and sits at his desk, extending his hands he says, "You have a story to tell?"

She grins and continues to describe her adventure into their father's letter, "He was writing to General Laurens for advisement about Mother. Apparently, she had a British suitor Grandfather wanted her to marry. Father wanted to challenge him to a duel to prove what he would do for, and I quote, 'my Eliza'- it is so romantic, Philip! You must read it!"

Philip is intrigued, "A duel? Did they reach a peace?" he assumes.

Angelica bounces, her energy soaking into the usually gloomy room, "I don't know what happened with the duel, but I did find out that the British officer was hanged as a spy in 1780 and Mother was really upset about it- what if they were having an affair?"

"Angelica," he tries to say softly, "Mother adores Father, despite what he has done-"

"-What if this was the reason Father took another-"

He shakes his head at his sister, "No. It is not possible. Mother adored Father even before he started courting her. She wouldn't risk ruining something like that for a Redcoat." His sister's face falls, the room returning to it's dull state, "I am sorry. I want to say that it was nothing more than petty revenge, that Mother deserved it, but she didn't. We didn't. There is no reason for what he did. He made a mistake."

Angelica frowns and gathers her skirts, "He bragged about his mistake- he told the whole world what he had done, as if he had no shame at all."

Philip blocks the door and she shoots him an annoyed glare, "Let me through."

"You don't understand, Sister. He felt that if he didn't confess he would-"

"Grand, just grand. Now you're defending him." She slips away and out the door. Philip sighs and goes to his bed.

Theodosia was the one who helped Philip come to understand what his father had done to him, to his family, not that Philip could ever completely forgive him. She was so smart, way smarter than him, though she was the only person he dared admit that to. Her politcal mindset understood more than most politicians! Now that was one trait he did not inherit from his parents, but his pride could never allow him to confess that particular fact.

Philip tried to return to his reading but too many thoughts were swimming around in his head. His father told him to write these thoughts and ideas out and he tried... but they never came out as organized as Alexander's.

Finally he slams his book shut, the sound resonating through his silent room. He puts his hands behind his head and falls against his bed.

Theodosia. George Eacker.  A duel. These were the three thoughts running though his head on a continuous loop.